Today was my first day at the new job. In case you didn't read the earlier post, I started work at a dental office today. I am going to be working in the front doing appointments, billing, etc. Anyway, there is a whole super confusing computer system to learn so I pretty much worked on that with the current receptionist today. It was fun, but I got super overwhelmed. I am a complete perfectionist so it really bothers me when I can't do something perfectly. Now granted, a normal person would say to themselves "I am just looking at this program for the first time, there is no way I am going to know everything." However, Jessica's brain works a little differently... mine is more along the lines of "okay, she has shown you how to do this once, you should be able to do it now....no? well, you're an idiot." Yeah, I am very hard on myself. I aim to please and its quite upsetting when I can't do things perfectly. Once again, as I have mentioned in SEVERAL posts, I have issues. hahaha. I know the job will be great once I am able to feel more comfortable with the program and start to learn the various procedures. And let me tell you - a lunch break is AMAZING! If you are not a teacher and you are reading this, you have NO idea. At school we had 20 minutes for lunch.... now subtract the time it takes for 25 students to move through the lunch line (approximately 5-6 minutes), the time it takes for you to open ketchup, milk, etc. (approximately 2-3 minutes) the time you spend getting up out of your seat to correct students for chugging milk, popping milk tops, crawling under tables, etc. (approximately 4-5 minutes) and the time for to clean up unforseen incidents such as tray spills (approximately 2-3 minutes) and you are left with approximately 3 minutes to eat lunch. Yes, thats right. Teachers get about 3 minutes to eat lunch. NOW at this new job I get AN HOUR!!!! I don't know what to do with myself!! I can eat!!! I can chew!!! Geez, I could get up a do a little dance if I wanted! (I mean, not that I would, I'm just saying... I have the time. I've never been much of a dancer. I wouldn't do that to myself)
As you know, I have to include a sob story. I hate that almost all of my posts have to include some sort of downer, but I suppose I just have some trying things happening at this point in my life. So anyway, my mom came home and told me that one of her friend's daughters found out she lost her baby. She was 16 weeks (what I'll be on Friday). Now, most of you know how paranoid I am. I immediately started thinking something was wrong with our baby. It has been 4 weeks since we have seen baby Martin on the ultrasound... what if something has happened??? How do I know if everything is going as it should??? I still haven't felt the baby move yet so how do I know if he's ok??? I am very worried now and I would rest assured since I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but as I mentioned before, they won't be doing an ultrasound. I wonder if I could just ask to hear the heart beat... Ugh, pregnancy is so stressful. You try your hardest to do all the right things and you get so attached to this little thing inside you, yet it can be taken at any moment. I really don't know if I could handle it if something were to go wrong. It would be hard enough if everything was normal, but with Adam gone I really don't know if I could take it. I know God will never give you more than you can handle, so I pray he doesn't think I am strong enough for something like that. I'm not.
Let's hope for a happy post tomorrow! Until then, keep Adam and baby in your prayers!