Jun 30, 2011

Life Aint Always Beautiful, But Its a Beautiful Ride

In addition to being a fantastic song, I also feel the title would perfectly suit a novel about my life.

My recent facebook status update read that I needed to borrow MC's new helmet because out life is one heck of a bumpy ride. Understatement. It got me thinking about all of the craziness that is our life and how we got to this point. As I walked into my last day at work I began reminiscing about mine and Adam's journey together and how we are proof God works in mysterious ways (and has a sense of humor...) Here's a small glimpse into the rollercoaster.

June 2008 - Get married
February 2009 - Find out Adam is being deployed to Iraq
March 2009 - Find out we're pregnant
April 2009 - Find out I'm moving in with my parents for a year
June 2009 - Find my long lost brother I have never met
November 2009 - MC is born
March 2010 - Find out were're all moving in with Adam's parents
May 2010 - Move back to Starkville for Adam to finish school
December 2010 - Find out Adam wants to go to grad school
February 2011 - Find out Adam is accepted to UNC and we're moving to Charlotte
May 2011 - Find an apartment
May 2011 - Find out we DON'T have an apartment
June 2011- Find out out of state tuition WON'T be waived
June 2011 - Find out of of state tution WILL be waived
June 2011 - Find out we DO have an apartment
June 2011 - Find out out of state tuition WON'T be waived (AGAIN)

That's a lot to take in in a few years time. Especially these last two months. God has put our faith to the test time and time again. I have NO IDEA what God is trying to tell us or why we have been put in such difficult situations. However, in the end, something will be learned from every experience we have had. If I'm blessed enough to be able to make it to Heaven, no doubt I'm going to be beboppin' up in there with "God, you got some 'splainin to do!" Seriously though, I often wonder if we will magically be endowed with complete understanding and reasons for all of the various events in our life. Maybe His plan is meant to remain a mystery though - even in death. I hope not. I'm nosy.

I'm sure our life will continue to take sharp turns and God will continue to surprise us with things. Let's be honest, moving 10 hours from anyone you know with a toddler and no jobs will provide a vast amount of comedic blog posts to say the least. I hope y'all continue following our journey - life aint always beautiful, but its a beautiful (and humorous, stressful, surprising, enjoyable, terrifying, aggrivating, humbling, exciting) ride :)

Jun 22, 2011

So What Wednesday

Today I'm saying "so what" if...

We are moving to Charlotte in 34 days and I haven't started packing. Maybe the clothes fairy that frequents our house will come pack it too...

If I try to play match-maker with every.single.person. I meet. It will work out one day. It will.

I threw a rock at an certain apartment on my run today. Sooo worth looking like a lunatic.

I used the word "attention-ing" Monday night. The hubs said I wasn't paying any attention to him mid-Bachelorette. I glanced at my hand resting unconsciously on his leg and said "see honey, I am attention-ing you...

My husband is scared to say/do anything for fear that I will blog about it and "make him look like an idiot".

I know every stinkin' word to every stinkin' Fisher Price toy ever assembled. I think it makes me well rounded.

That's what I'm saying so what to. What about you?

Jun 21, 2011

Brag Time

I know every parent thinks nothing will ever compare to the cuteness that is their child. However, I dare you to look at these pics and not agree with me.

Driving the tractor at the Children's Museum

In the Museum with her "leash" hahah

"Underground" tunnel at the museum

Yup, shoved an entire Nutrigrain bar in her mouth...

Me and my PRECIOUS angel!!

Sweet sweet baby!

Jun 17, 2011


So for all of you who have been on the edge of your seats wondering about our Charlotte venture, I have an update: We now have an apartment. Its official. We won't be living in a box - YAY for us! :) The influenced morons have gotten their act together at last...
Adam says we have now used up all of our blessings for the year. Let's hope not because grad school, an unemployed and directionally challenged wife, and raising a toddler in a city where you are 10 hours from anyone you know is going to be quite an adventure!

Jun 16, 2011

Alligator Purse

So, as I read with MC yesterday I couldn't help but think how disturbing this children's story is. Anyone ever read/sang "The Lady With The Alligator Purse"? Of course you have. Don't even act like you didn't do that hand slap game thingy to this song.

Anyway, as I said, now that I am a mother and an extremely intellectual thinker (bahaha) I started analyzing this story and how its completely detrimental to our children. As I read, I couldn't help but add in my own opinions {aloud} to MC...

Miss Lucy had a baby. His name was Tiny Tim - Harmless enough, go on...

She put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim - Wait one dog'gone minute! Would it not be wise to invest in some beginners swim lessons before chunking your baby in a tub full of water there Miss Lucy?! I cry abuse!

He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap - Obviously we need to add food withholding to the long list of abusive criminal charges!

He tried to eat the bathtub but it wouldn't go down his throat - As if we didn't have enough of a case already - lets add brain damage as a result of the blatant neglect and abuse!!

In came the doctor, in came the nurse, in came the lady with the alligator purse - in came two uniformed police officers and a social worker thanks to mommy's anonymous tip.

"Mumps" said the doctor, "Measles", said the nurse, "Nonsence" said the lady with the alligator purse - "Pica" said the mommy who has obviously watched entirely too much of TLC's My Strange Addiction. However, it was no doubt enhanced by his abusive mother withhold food!!

"Penicillin", said the doctor, "Castor oil", said the nurse, "pizza!", said the lady with the alligator purse - Hmm, mommy would concurr with the alligator lady on the food - however, as you might remember reading earlier, this is a BABY. Mommy thinks all these nut jobs should enroll in a hospital sponsored "Baby Basics" class

Out went the doctor, out went the nurse, out went the lady with the alligator purse - ...and out went this retarded book that condones child drowning, Pica, employing unlicensed healthcare professionals and choking hazzards.

MC cries. Mommy reads book again :/ {sigh}

Jun 15, 2011

"I Am Not A Hillbilly Honey!"

Let me tell you a little secret about Adam. He's a collector. I can't call him a "hoarder" because hoarders collect junk. Adam collects "useful" junk. See the differentiation? (Yeah, don't feel bad, I can't either...") But, God love him, he comes by it honestly. His grandfather was king of the collectors. The man even had entire shed to store his collections.

Just to give you a glimpse into how insane innovative this man is: one day he came home with a mannequin. Yup, a naked woman mannequin. Do I really want to know the use this is going to serve? It was ok though. He had a great explanation. "Honey, it was just sitting on the side of the road! They were just going to throw it away!!" Wow? Really? They were just going to throw this treasure away??!! Erroneous on all accounts!!!!

Now, Adam has "collected" such an abundance of shit stuff, that when he starts looking for something he turns into a kid at Christmas. Take yesterday. He started looking for hair trimmers because the beard trimmers he was using to buzz his head just weren't working (I'll get to that in a moment, but let me just say that at this point he had a fantastic half-shaved mullet going on. The remaining hair on his head was choppy and uneven because we thought it was a great idea to just grab handfuls and cut it with scissors to make the beard trimmers "work better") He opened his insanely gigantic black box in which he stores his old Army paraphenalia and he found a treasure trove of goodies...
1. A broken green thingy with wires sticking out - Adam:"Oh wow! There that is! I bet I can fix that!"
2. A cord that goes to nothing and is missing the actual attachment that makes it even serve a purpose. Adam: "Oh look! This is awesome! I don't have the part to make it work but when it does work its great! Oh, wait, here it is!!"
Me: "Yay."
3. UnderArmor boxer briefs. Adam:"Woo hoo!"
Me: "..."

It went on like this for a time, and unfortunately, no trimmers were to be found. We found the guards for the trimmers, but no trimmers. (Adam probably had a moment where he had both in his hand and in attempts to keep with his collections as "useful" as possible, he opted to keep the guards and toss the actual trimmer...makes sense.)

Now, onto the continuing hair cutting operation. As I mentioned, Adam was immensely irritated that his beard trimmers wouldn't buzz his head properly. (Obviously a complete crap product. What lunatic designs BEARD trimmers that won't cut hair.) He then insists that I go to Wal-Mart to purchase something more appropriate. At this point its almost time to pick up MC and I wasn't about to go all the way to the evil Wal-Mart across town. I suggested he put on a hat and go himself. Hm, probably not the best idea.
Me: "Honey, just put on a hat and go yourself."
Adam: "Hell no! Look at me!"
Me: Insane laughter
Adam: "See!!! I look like a monk!"
Me: "Adam {laughter}, if you have a hat on your head, no one can see your head {laughter again}
Adam: "What the crap Jess? A hat only comes down so far on your head! I'll have half hair and half no hair hanging out of my hat!"
Me: "Honey.... it's Wal-Mart."
Adam: "I don't care! I am not a hillbilly honey!"

This is where I begin rolling on the floor laughing. My husband is standing in the bathtub, in his newly found UnderArmor boxer briefs, with a mullet, attempting to buzz his head with beard trimmers. Please, honey. Tell me again you are not a hillbilly. Really think about it this time....

Jun 14, 2011

Magic Abs

I want magic abs. I know what you're thinking "what the freak is that?". Well, magic abs are the ones that just put you in a trance. You see someone with magic abs and you are not on this planet anymore. You stare at them transfixed and all you can think is "whooooaaaa.....that is like....magic or something." Yeah. Those.

I have some friends with magic abs. I love them dearly, however they do make me throw up in my mouth a little bit (you know who you are). I saw a photo of one of my magic ab friends 3 weeks after she had her baby girl.... in a bikini. Not surprisingly, her abs looked better 3 weeks after carrying a watermelon than mine do 18 months after giving birth to one. Ugh.

I've spent the last few days reminiscing about my time in high school and college when I was thin and didn't have to do a damn thing to be that way. I brought this up to my sweet husband and his response was "honey, that's just part of getting older". Screw that. I want to grow young if that's the case. I wish I could go all Benjamin Button on him.

In attempts to regain the figure of my youth (no, I'm not ninety, but lets get real - I'm 2.5 years away from 30. To me that's OLD) I have decided to start the "Couch-to-5K". An exercise program specificaly created for those who don't do exercise programs. Exactly what I need. You gradually work your way up to running more and more and by the end of the 9 weeks you are supposedly able to run a 5K.

So how's it going you ask? Well, yesterday at 3:00 was my first time. I decided I should be very strategic and intellectual about it and chose the friggin' hottest time of day in the friggin' hottest part of the year to begin my weigh loss journey. Yay for brains. I was hard core about it though. I said "its now or never" and hit the asphalt with Rocky music echoing in my head....

Cut to 4 minutes later. The Rocky music has stopped. I am now hearing french horns and trumpets playing "Alleluia" hymns because I am certain that death is upon me. I can't breathe. My cute running shorts are riding up my fat butt who has decided to eat them. My perfectly smoothed pony tail is now disheveled and partially sideways, flapping in the wind like white flag of surrender. Sweat is dripping down my God-awful uncomfortable sports bra and I have a stick stuck in the laces of my shoe. I had pushed myself from the category of "cute girl running" to "special girl they let out of the facility for a walk".

While my appearance was particulary horrid, I also began dealing with a knee that was about to explode. I have no idea what I did to my knee in 8th grade, but I remember hurting it and every now and then when I put a lot of continuous strain on it, it starts hurting. Well, considering I haven't run in 5011 years for this very reason, I wasn't surprised to find it throbbing. I wanted to stop REALLY bad but I knew I had to come home to my Ranger hubs and I just couldn't face the shame of having quit.

God must've heard me because it was at that moment that I passed my an old boyfriend's apartment. This guy was so totally nutso that he could've had his own show with Dr. Drew. He was horrible and thanks to him I get to carry the weight of about 30 emotional suitcases. Anyway, as I passed his old place I began thinking about how horrible he made me feel all the time and I was like "ha! I'll show you psycho!". I then went all psycho and started repeating profanities rhythmically in my head as I ran. It got me through the rest of my ru,n but as I approached my house I was limping like a 3 legged dog. Adam must've seen me and came running to the door asking what happened. No, I didn't get mugged and beaten (although I probably looked it) - I overworked my knee while screaming profanities at an ex's apartment. Yeah, that sounds WAAAY better....

Needless to say I can't walk this morning. Previously I was an out of shape, middle aged woman. Now, I'm an out of shape ninety year old who needs a cane.... fantastic. Let's hope things heal up quickly so I can run by the ex's and throw rocks at it for hurting my knee now.

Jun 9, 2011

And The Door Was Opened

I said "its not logical!". I said "it can't be done!". I said "I can't!". Just moments ago God reached down, smacked me in the face and said "no, you can't... But I can."

My life has been forever changed today. Today. A day like any other. However, a day that I will never, ever, in my entire life forget. Today is the start of a life without ever doubting God. Its the start of a life where I fully and completely, with every ounce of my being trust in God and the power of prayer.

As you know Adam and I have been struggling. Physcially, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily. It seems as though one mountain after another after another has been placed in front of us. We are trying to get Adam to school and get an apartment. That's all. However, NOTHING has seemed to work out for us. I doubted whether we were doing the right thing. I doubted God's ability to make things happen for us. However, the past few days have lead me to this beautiful moment I am in right now.

If you aren't a believer in prayer, I hope that this post at least makes you re-evaluate your stance.

Adam and I planned on him going to school without paying out of state tuition. (I touched on this briefly in another post) Well, that didn't work out. We were informed his out of state tuition would not be waived - WHAM. Thousands of unexpected dollars were hurled at us all at once. Immediately following this news, we received a phone call saying the apartment we just drove all the way to Charlotte to put a deposit on is not available. They made a mistake and don't have a unit. WHAM.... again.

We've spent the last several weeks attempting to correct both of these situations to no avail. We have pushed and pushed and nothing seemed to be going our way. I hit rock bottom. I doubted every choice we had made. I asked Adam how all this money was going to materialize. I believe my exact words were "How Adam??!! How are we going to magically get xxx thousand dollars each month??!!!"

A few days later, I read that an old sorority sister of mine and her husband won a house. That's right. A whole house. Not even a crappy house - a half a million dollar house. I was intrigued (and of course incredibly jealous). I watched a clip of their interview and you know what they said? They said they had prayed and prayed and prayed. They truly believed God was going to help them and they were going to win this house. What did I do? I laughed. Not out loud, but to myself. Seriously? You think if you pray for a house you're just going to get it? No friggin' way.

Last night about 3am Adam and I both couldn't sleep. We began talking about everything and how stressed out we were. We reached a low together and all we knew to do was pray harder than we had ever prayed before. We didn't pray for God to give us money. We prayed for His will to be done. There, in the dark at 3am, we reached out. We both agreed to let go and put it in His hands. We both cried. I delved into the very depths of my soul and pulled every ounce of faith I had in me. I truly let it go for the first time since all of this began.

Fast forward to today. Despite the sleep deprivation I awoke refreshed and positive - and I had no explanation why. I felt this alien sense of peace that everything was going to be ok. I thanked God over and over for this calmness that he had blessed me with. No, nothing happened to change our situation, but I was so thankful to finally have peace of mind. Adam was still distrought but I told him about these emotions and assured him everything was going to be alright.

Fast forward again to one hour ago. We were at the bank completing some business when Adam's phone rang. He stepped out of the office and all I heard was muffled speaking and then very distinct thank you's. He returned to the office with a smile I hadn't seen since the day our daughter was born. He said "Jess my out of state tuition has been waived..." The very question I asked Adam just nights ago had been answered - "How are we going to magically get xxx thousand dollars each month???" - God, that's where. No, God didn't wave his wand and give us money. He gave us what we both longed for and needed this entire time and didn't even know it. He gave us faith. With His intervention in the minds and hearts of everyone involved, He showed us that this is our path and He WILL provide for us.

This has been a long and emotional post and some of you might have grown tired of reading something that's not my usual comical pity party. However, I pray that some of you out there have seen our miracle and believe. My husband has come back from Iraq and Afghanistan FOUR TIMES without a single scratch. We were given a perfectly healthy baby girl while he was away that I cared for on my own for months. We've had no jobs and chased dreams. Yet, it took this day to change my perspective. All of the blessings we have received are now visible and I have been granted the gift of faith in God and prayer that I can pass on to that beautiful baby girl.

Adam and I both said we are going to tell Maggie about this day. Whenever she doubts, she will hear about this day. Whenever Adam and I have struggles, we will remember this day. I pray that if you haven't yet, you will have your day. And guess what, since I am praying for it, it will happen :)

Jun 6, 2011

What will it be - option one, two, or three...

This is what our life has come down to. In essense, playing "pick a door - any door!" with a studio audience. Things are falling apart and since I am in the midst of a nervous breakdown, I figured I should just go with it and ask complete strangers what we should do with our lives. What do you think everyone? Option one, two, three, or four?

What's that? You don't know the options you say? That's ok. Just pick one. Yup, you heard right. Just comment with a number; 1,2,3, or 4. Simple enough.

PS - If you're thinking "whoa, that chick has definately gone off the deep end", you're so right ;)

Jun 3, 2011

Really People?

"I may not being going to school, we have no place to live, and now Pooh's gone!!! Our life is a mess! We've got issues and now we've got missing bears!" This quote by Adam made my horrible day almost laughable.

Let me just take a moment to fill you in. We are moving to Charlotte for my husband to attend grad school. Now the statement should read - "We MIGHT be moving to Charlotte for my husband to attend grad school." The two major things needed in this whole process have now possibly been removed. School and lodging. See, in order to go to grad school, you have to pay (I know, crazy). When you believe your out of state tuition is going to be waived due to the academic common market (I'm not even going to go into an explanation of this. Google it) and then someone tells you its not, you can't exactly pull another $20,000 out of your butt. As much as I would like to. It also doesn't help that said moron is incorrect in the decision...that's not even an opinion - that's a fact. Urban DESIGN is not the same thing as Urban PLANNING. Ugh.

Move on to requirement number two - lodging. Its kinda hard to move somewhere with your family and go to school when you have no house. I've mentioned living in a cardboard box before, but this is literally what it would amount to. We went to Charlotte this weekend and put a deposit down on a great 3 bedroom apt in a perfect location. When we get back from Charlotte we got a phone call saying they made a mistake and that apartment wasn't available. Really people? Have you been hanging out with the moron school lady and the idiocy just wore off on you??? "Mr. & Mrs. Martin we have a great apartment ready for the time frame you requested. HAHA Just kidding! We fooled you didn't we!" Awesomeness.

In order to get another 3 bedroom at the complex we had to go a different route and fill out 4632 pages of crap forms. Ok, maybe not 4632, but it was 46 pages. Seriously, I counted. We are now waiting for them to process everything and that could take up to a week.

So alas, we have possibly no school and no home. Things are looking up.

We also got another surpise when we got home from Charlotte (yes, this is where the missing bears comment comes in). I noticed Pooh, who of course is part of the family and had to accompany us on our trip, hadn't been roaming the house as he usually does when we returned. I figured he was still in our not-yet-unpacked suitcase and didn't think much of it. Well, yesterday as I was unpacking, he was no where to be found. I started a frantic search and couldn't find him anywhere. (Let me just say that MC hasn't noticed. Although she is quite fond of Pooh, he has more sentimental attachment for Adam and I. Not long after we found out we were pregnant we were in Chicago and bought Pooh for MC. It was the first thing we ever purchased for her. Together. Right before Adam left for Iraq. Pooh IS a part of the family) I was completely distraught. I called both sets of parents and the hotel and Pooh hasn't turned up. I don't know if we'll ever find our silly 'ole bear....

That was the end to a completely crappy day. The story of our lives lately - morons, moving, and missing bears.


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