Jun 16, 2011

Alligator Purse

So, as I read with MC yesterday I couldn't help but think how disturbing this children's story is. Anyone ever read/sang "The Lady With The Alligator Purse"? Of course you have. Don't even act like you didn't do that hand slap game thingy to this song.

Anyway, as I said, now that I am a mother and an extremely intellectual thinker (bahaha) I started analyzing this story and how its completely detrimental to our children. As I read, I couldn't help but add in my own opinions {aloud} to MC...

Miss Lucy had a baby. His name was Tiny Tim - Harmless enough, go on...

She put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim - Wait one dog'gone minute! Would it not be wise to invest in some beginners swim lessons before chunking your baby in a tub full of water there Miss Lucy?! I cry abuse!

He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap - Obviously we need to add food withholding to the long list of abusive criminal charges!

He tried to eat the bathtub but it wouldn't go down his throat - As if we didn't have enough of a case already - lets add brain damage as a result of the blatant neglect and abuse!!

In came the doctor, in came the nurse, in came the lady with the alligator purse - in came two uniformed police officers and a social worker thanks to mommy's anonymous tip.

"Mumps" said the doctor, "Measles", said the nurse, "Nonsence" said the lady with the alligator purse - "Pica" said the mommy who has obviously watched entirely too much of TLC's My Strange Addiction. However, it was no doubt enhanced by his abusive mother withhold food!!

"Penicillin", said the doctor, "Castor oil", said the nurse, "pizza!", said the lady with the alligator purse - Hmm, mommy would concurr with the alligator lady on the food - however, as you might remember reading earlier, this is a BABY. Mommy thinks all these nut jobs should enroll in a hospital sponsored "Baby Basics" class

Out went the doctor, out went the nurse, out went the lady with the alligator purse - ...and out went this retarded book that condones child drowning, Pica, employing unlicensed healthcare professionals and choking hazzards.

MC cries. Mommy reads book again :/ {sigh}


Brittany said...

I completely forgot about this story!!! Hilarious!!!

Sarah said...

Kids books can REALLY make you stop and go "Uhhh... What?!" That is a cute book, though, and I don't know a kid that doesn't love it!

I had a "moment" last year when my first grader brought home a book (from the SCHOOL library!) titled "The Stupids Die"! (And yes, it was almost as inappropriate as you can imagine!)


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