I said "its not logical!". I said "it can't be done!". I said "I can't!". Just moments ago God reached down, smacked me in the face and said "no, you can't... But I can."
My life has been forever changed today. Today. A day like any other. However, a day that I will never, ever, in my entire life forget. Today is the start of a life without ever doubting God. Its the start of a life where I fully and completely, with every ounce of my being trust in God and the power of prayer.
As you know Adam and I have been struggling. Physcially, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily. It seems as though one mountain after another after another has been placed in front of us. We are trying to get Adam to school and get an apartment. That's all. However, NOTHING has seemed to work out for us. I doubted whether we were doing the right thing. I doubted God's ability to make things happen for us. However, the past few days have lead me to this beautiful moment I am in right now.
If you aren't a believer in prayer, I hope that this post at least makes you re-evaluate your stance.
Adam and I planned on him going to school without paying out of state tuition. (I touched on this briefly in another post) Well, that didn't work out. We were informed his out of state tuition would not be waived - WHAM. Thousands of unexpected dollars were hurled at us all at once. Immediately following this news, we received a phone call saying the apartment we just drove all the way to Charlotte to put a deposit on is not available. They made a mistake and don't have a unit. WHAM.... again.
We've spent the last several weeks attempting to correct both of these situations to no avail. We have pushed and pushed and nothing seemed to be going our way. I hit rock bottom. I doubted every choice we had made. I asked Adam how all this money was going to materialize. I believe my exact words were "How Adam??!! How are we going to magically get xxx thousand dollars each month??!!!"
A few days later, I read that an old sorority sister of mine and her husband won a house. That's right. A whole house. Not even a crappy house - a half a million dollar house. I was intrigued (and of course incredibly jealous). I watched a clip of their interview and you know what they said? They said they had prayed and prayed and prayed. They truly believed God was going to help them and they were going to win this house. What did I do? I laughed. Not out loud, but to myself. Seriously? You think if you pray for a house you're just going to get it? No friggin' way.
Last night about 3am Adam and I both couldn't sleep. We began talking about everything and how stressed out we were. We reached a low together and all we knew to do was pray harder than we had ever prayed before. We didn't pray for God to give us money. We prayed for His will to be done. There, in the dark at 3am, we reached out. We both agreed to let go and put it in His hands. We both cried. I delved into the very depths of my soul and pulled every ounce of faith I had in me. I truly let it go for the first time since all of this began.
Fast forward to today. Despite the sleep deprivation I awoke refreshed and positive - and I had no explanation why. I felt this alien sense of peace that everything was going to be ok. I thanked God over and over for this calmness that he had blessed me with. No, nothing happened to change our situation, but I was so thankful to finally have peace of mind. Adam was still distrought but I told him about these emotions and assured him everything was going to be alright.
Fast forward again to one hour ago. We were at the bank completing some business when Adam's phone rang. He stepped out of the office and all I heard was muffled speaking and then very distinct thank you's. He returned to the office with a smile I hadn't seen since the day our daughter was born. He said "Jess my out of state tuition has been waived..." The very question I asked Adam just nights ago had been answered - "How are we going to magically get xxx thousand dollars each month???" - God, that's where. No, God didn't wave his wand and give us money. He gave us what we both longed for and needed this entire time and didn't even know it. He gave us faith. With His intervention in the minds and hearts of everyone involved, He showed us that this is our path and He WILL provide for us.
This has been a long and emotional post and some of you might have grown tired of reading something that's not my usual comical pity party. However, I pray that some of you out there have seen our miracle and believe. My husband has come back from Iraq and Afghanistan FOUR TIMES without a single scratch. We were given a perfectly healthy baby girl while he was away that I cared for on my own for months. We've had no jobs and chased dreams. Yet, it took this day to change my perspective. All of the blessings we have received are now visible and I have been granted the gift of faith in God and prayer that I can pass on to that beautiful baby girl.
Adam and I both said we are going to tell Maggie about this day. Whenever she doubts, she will hear about this day. Whenever Adam and I have struggles, we will remember this day. I pray that if you haven't yet, you will have your day. And guess what, since I am praying for it, it will happen :)