Baby time... whether I'm ready or not!

Happy Saturday everyone! I hope all of you are having a great weekend! I, however, now have a dark cloud in my otherwise sunny sky. See, I just spent the last 6 hours in my lamaze/labor/baby care class. Yeah........so I am really rethinking this whole baby thing.



I'm just kidding - its a little too late for second thoughts now. I AM totally freaking out about this baby now though. Its not so much caring for MC once she gets here - its HOW she gets here. You know exactly what I mean. This baby is in my tummy and has to come out. Oh dear. The class was super informative and I think it has gotten me really nervous about the whole birthing process. First of all, the fact that I have no control over when Mags chooses to make her appearance concerns me. I am a total planner. The whole spontaneity of labor freaks me out. (It also doesn't help that Adam is thousands of miles away. It just adds to the stress not knowing if he will make it back for the delivery.)



Secondly, there is SOOO much to consider. This also puts a huge damper on my OCD/planning personality. You never know what is going to happen so, sure, you can make a fabulous birth plan, but in all actuallity something might come up that changes everything.

Thirdly, no one in the world likes pain. Considering that I am a citizen of this planet, I would fall into that category. Now, I understand that the pushing won't be so bad if I have an epidural. However, I am scared of the epidural itself! I've heard its not bad, but I'm still going to be scared until its over and done with.

In addition to the epidural, there are so many other things that have to be done that also make me very squeemish. 1) Catheters. I have never had one but the whole idea of a tube in such a small place doesn't sound like a great deal of fun. 1) Enemas. No, they aren't required, but in attempts to save what little modesty and self dignity remains while having your whole bottom half off the edge of a bed for God and the world to see, I imagine its not a bad idea. 3) Nakedness. I am typically not a very modest person, but the idea of all those people just staring at me while I deliver and then nurse doesn't exactly give me warm fuzzies. Is it weird that the thought of my mother seeing me in all my glory down there makes me feel very unsettled? 4)Bathroom audience. So, I like to have my privacy when doing my business in the restroom - who doesnt. I mean, I get stagefright. So the fact that a nurse will accompany you to the restroom the first few times you have to go after delivering gives me some heebie jeebies. 5) Stitches. We all know what I'm talking about so I won't even go any further. This doesnt sound fun.

So now I'm sure I have completely traumatized all of you readers. Maybe, however, someone reading this has actually had a child and can offer some comforting words! Because, as of right now, I want this baby to stay put forever. I'm not even joking. Anyway, please feel free to comment if the urge strikes (even if it may be a "wow, that was waaaay too much info for a blog!" comment.) I just adore comments. I don't know why. When I check my email and see a little "And baby makes three" comment alert, my heart does a little happy dance. haha. Yes, I am soliciting blog comments. I think my life is going downhill....

Hope everyone has a great weekend and gets some much needed relaxation!

Jessica & Julia

Forget Julie & Julia, I am going to be the next amazing chef. I whipped up the most amazing pregnancy dish the other day (yes, I classify it as a "pregnancy dish" because it probably sounds disgusting and no one in their right mind would eat it unless they were pregnant and could appreciate the complete diversity of ingredients). So as you all know I am a huge fan of mac and cheese. I would eat it everyday if I could. However, with all the problems I am having with my blood sugar I really need to be eating things besides carbs. I can't every well cut them out so I am trying to incorporate them into more well balanced meals. Anyway, when I got home the other day I was CRAVING some mac and cheese. I thought to myself "Jess, you know you need to have some protein and vegetables if you are going to eat mac and cheese..." Then I remember a long time ago seeing a recipe on a box of Velveeta shells and cheese that I tried and it was pretty good; Velveeta shells and cheese mixed with tuna and green peas. Mmmmm sounded tasty. I knew we had tuna so I was good there. Then, I went in search of peas. Nowhere to be found of course. I scowered the kitchen and freezers, but no peas. I was trying to think of a decent substitute...

Well, I also adore mac and cheese with corn. (Don't ask why, but if we have mac and cheese and corn as side dishes for dinner, I usually end up putting them side by side so I can mix them. Its delectable.) I checked around and we did have frozen corn, but I thought my dish needed more color. Then, I saw a can of Mexi-corn in the pantry. If you aren't familiar with this its just regular corn with chopped green and red peppers. Ah, just the splash of color I needed. So into my prepared pot of shells and cheese goes a can of tuna and a can of Mexi-corn. (Try to contain your upchurning stomach if you aren't pregnant haha). I'm telling you though, it was fantastic! Cheesy, crunchy, pure awesomeness. I know, its not quite the dish to win food network's challenge, but to my oh so distraught palate it was a little taste of heaven...

PlusPlus

Equals

I passed... for the most part

My doctor's office just called with the results of my glucose test - I passed. Barely. Remember I told you they take your blood 4 times throught the 3 hours? Well, in order to be considered with gestational diabetes, two of the 4 levels have to be elevated... I had one. She said technically since only one was high, I was probably ok, however to just be sure I am eating my 3 balanced meals and snacking often. Good to know.

On a sadder note, I am sick. I'm sure I have mentioned that I am also a complete hypochondriac so of course I think I have swine flu. The fact that I am pregnant is not helping matters either. I have googled symptoms (yes, Becky, its amazing how often we use that word! See her blog for the scoop) and I have most of them. I am just waiting to get home from work to check my temperature. (I'm at work eating lunch right now. I'm desperately trying to save money where I can since little MC is going to take a big chunk of our income soon!) I am really trying not to panic, but I can't help it when 10 local kids at the high school were just diagnosed with it! I mean, is this thing deadly? And what about the fact that I'm pregnant? Does that make it more deadly? Will they even be able to treat me if I have it? Ahhh! I know its ridiculous, I'm sure I just have a head cold, but apparently when you're pregnant hypochondriatic tendancies double. You not only worry about yourslef now, but even more about this whole little person inside you. That can bring up a whole other topic about how much love I already feel for her. Its amazing. I would gladly die for her right now and I don't even know her. Its amazing.

Well, I think that is all for now. Let's hope I'm not running a fever so I can calm myself! haha.

Warning

So I had my test yesterday and ya know, it was HORRIBLE. I mean, yeah sitting for 3 hours sucked, but it went by fairly quickly. I did however get super nauseous that first hour and thought I was going to have to make a run for the garbage, but I made it through and then felt ok. The worst part about the whole day was going to the restroom and closing the door on my toe (The corner of the door hit my big toe and it started gushing blood) I was like, "are you serious? How absent minded do you have to be to not notice your foot in the direct swinging area of a door..." Well, apparently you are supposed to get a little ditzy while pregnant so I'll just blame it on that. Anyway, I should have my results today so I'll post later when I find out!

This is totally random, but I have to throw a warning in on this particular blog. Have any of you seen the movie The Last House on the Left? DON'T!!!! I think I have seriously been scarred for life. Now, I am the first to enjoy a good suspenseful thriller. I seek out the scariest movies I can find. This one, however, went WAAAAAY over the edge. Scary? No. Outright disturbing? Yes. Let me give you the very shortened breakdown of the plot: So this girl and her friend get kidnapped by some fugitives but one of the girls manages to get away. She makes it back to her house where her parents are letting the very fugitives that kidnapped her sleep over (of course they had no idea). As you can imagine, all hell breaks lose when they find out. Sounds good, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. However, what I failed to mention was the fact that the writer and director of this film have no regard for morality or humanity. There are certain things that don't have to be shown in a movie to make an impact. Rape is one of them. I almost got up to turn the movie off I was so sickened. The scene was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. Anyway, I hate to put a downer on the blog, but I just had to warn all of you to NOT rent this movie! (I do have to say that I did watch the "unrated" version on the DVD and that probably had something to do with its graphic nature, but there was no way I was going to put myself through viewing the other version to check). I'm always up for a good scare so if you've seen any good ones lately that don't involve me feeling completely dirty and demoralized after watching please share!

Glucose - Shmucose

So I don't think I shared this lovely piece of information with you all last week... I failed my first glucose test. I know, right? In case you aren't familiar with the whole test, let me fill you in. So while you are pregnant they test your blood sugar for gestational diabetes. You go to a lab/doctor's office and drink a glucose drink (aka sugar drink). Then, you wait an hour and then they test your blood to see how your body has processed it. If you don't make the cutoff score, you fail. Well, I failed. Great. NOW I have to do it again. However, the second time around, you can't eat and after you drink the stuff, they have to take your blood on the hour for three hours. Thats right. I said three hours. Three hours of sitting in a little lab waiting room chair. I can barely sit in a recliner without feeling uncomfortable - let alone some rock hard, pleather covered chair. If its not obvious enough, I am NOT excited. Several people on facebook who have been through the ordeal didn't try to sugar coat it (excuse the pun haha). They said, yes its miserable, but all you can do is suck it up and bring a book. I have been working on my reading collection tonight. I have gathered up the second Twilight book (which I have already read, but thought this might be a great time to read it again since the movie will be coming out soon), several parenting magazines I've gotten in the mail that I haven't read yet, and, of course "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "What to Expect Baby's First Year". Maybe that will keep me entertained. I am REALLY wishing they had a little cot so I could just lay down and sleep the time away... I doubt thats the case though.

So that is what I am doing with my day off tomorrow. Jealous, aren't you? I know. Try to hold it in. Well, I hope everyone has a great day at work or school tomorrow! Let's keep our fingers crossed that I don't bomb this test! I'm not sure what kind of diet I would be put on to control things if things don't turn out well, but I have a feeling they are going to take my pasta...(this is where the back of my hand gently grazes my forehead as my chin tilts up and my eyes slowly close). I can't even go there.

Oh, so before I hit the sack, I do have to share some random information about Iraq. Apparently they have hyenas. Yes, you read correctly. I was talking to Adam tonight and he decided to share that at the perimeter fence the other day they caught a hyena. Um, ok, first of all, why would you want to catch a hyena? Are they that desperate for animal companionship? Secondly, how exactly does one catch a hyena? So he said that they had some problems with something getting into the trash so they set out some traps. Low and behold, they caught a hyena. Apparently some idiot video tapped the action packed scene and emailed it to everyone on post. Can you believe this? My husband goes away to war in Iraq and I have to worry about him being killed by a wild hyena! There is something wrong here. Anyway, he said they used some rope thing to wrangle the thing and ended up releasing it I guess. (They probably shot it but Adam was trying to spare my feelings). I told him to be careful (as I usually do ) as I said goodbye, only this time I didn't picutre missles being fired at him - I pictured the poor guy in his boxers running for his life from the bathhouse as a crazed hyena chased from behind. I know - highly unlikely, but funny to picture none the less.

Well, I'm really off to bed now. Gotta get some rest for my long day of, well, sitting tomorrow. Haha. Wish me luck! I'll be sure to post as soon as I hear something back!

Maggie Claire

I can't believe I am six months already! Time has really flown by! Here are my newest belly pics! I hope things continue to go as smoothly as they have been going and we meet our healthy Maggie Claire in 3 months!!

No Rest for the Weary

Well yesterday was another busy day off! It seems like these past few weeks I have had SO much to do. I started the morning with my monthly doctor's appointment (all is great by the way! Oh, and I did schedule a 4-D ultrasound for my next visit so I am super pumped about that!). Mom was off work and able to go with me so we left from the doctor's office to go run an errand for her. Then we had a nice lunch at Red Lobster (yum yum! One of the few places that doesn't have raw eggs in their cesar dressing so I was in hog heaven) and then off to Target to register! This process was much quicker than the registering ordeal at Babies-R-Us. I'm not sure about where you live, but here the Target just doesn't have a huge amount to choose from. I was able to scan what I wanted in about an hour (keep in mind that does include all the stops that are usually made when registering - pulling down strollers and "test driving" them, sidetracking to look at clothes, staring brainlessly at two items that appear to be exactly the same but aren't, etc.) We also picked up some things to mail out to Adam while we were there and then headed home to drop that off. Poor Abbey had been home alone all day so of course she had to come with us on our next two errands. Mom had to do something and then I had to go by the uniform place to order scrubs for work.

Now let me just say, at first I was totally excited about the idea of wearing scrubs to work everyday. Let's face it, they are like pajamas. Also, there isn't a huge selection of fashionable clothing for pregnant women, so I thought it would also save me from having to hurt my brain trying to figure out what to wear everyday. Well, after the scrub experience yesterday I think I have changed my mind... So I haven't tried on scrubs in a while since I have one pair I wear to work. Now that the office is ordering new ones, I had to try on the ones they wanted. Oh my gosh. I can't fit into anything. My belly is totally in the way now. I tried on the pants they were order, but after going up two sizes to accomodate the belly, I started to look like a kid playing dress up in my dad's clothes. Then, it was on to tops. I also went up two sizes and still won't have enough growing room for Mags. When I get to month 7 or 8 I'm just going to have to wear fitted t-shirts or something. Anyway, I won't bore you with anymore details, but I did finally figure out the pants situation and, as I mentioned, will just wear the tops as long as possible.

With all that said and done, it was a long day! I was happy to get home, watch What Not to Wear, talk to Adam, and go to bed! Its now 5:30 and I'm off to get ready for another day at work! Happy Saturday everyone!

New Digs?

So its official... I am moving. The place is small, but I really think I can do a lot with it. Its in a great location (although it does have high humidity - but then again, anyone who lives in the South is used to that). I've actually seen the place for years, but never thought of moving to it. If any of you want to be old fashioned and send me mail, my address is as follows:

1000 Green Home Place

Bathroom Suite 2

Florence, AL 35633

Yes, thats right. I am moving into the bathroom. Its getting beyond ridiculous. I knew pregnant women talked about having to go to the restroom often, but I never expected anything like this. I must get up 4 times a night. And we won't even talk about during the day. I might as well buy a tent and set up camp in the bathroom at the office too. I wonder if I could get the computer put in there and get patients to meet me at the door...

Ho Down at the Green Home

So I just finished another rousing, countrified activity this afternoon... shucking peas. To answer all of your questions - yes, it was just as fun as shucking corn. Oh. my. gosh. Can we say monotony? Two and a half hours of sitting outside in the 100 degree heat pulling apart little pea pods and taking the peas out. Over and over and over and over... you get the idea. I really wanted to call our little neighbor (the one who liked shucking the corn so much) to get his cute butt down there to help, but I refrained. I couldn't live my life knowing I had enslaved some poor 7 year old under the ruse of inviting him over to do something "super fun". I kept thinking Adam might call in the midst of my venture, thereby giving me an excuse to go inside. However, I kid you not, he called as I pulled apart the very last pea pod in the bucket. Great timing honey.

Anyway, it was so great getting to talk to him. He and I usually end up typing to each other in Yahoo messenger as we look at each other on the web cam. We haven't had great luck with Skype because of his internet connection so we've been sticking with Yahoo messenger. It does have the capability for you to call on it just like Skype, but there is a delay that makes it super annoying. I'll start talking and since Adam still hears silence on his side, he'll start talking too. Then in the middle of him talking, he'll start to hear me talking. Anyway, it gets really irritating because we spend most of the time just saying "what?". The point of my tangent? That we don't get to actually hear each other's voices a lot so when we do its really great. He has to walk like 15 to the phones when he wants to call so we only do it once or twice a week. We had a nice conversation about how MC is doing and all the fun registering yesterday.

Speaking of the registering, it was soooo overwhelming! Mom and I took my little cousing Molly with us who is here visiting from California. Here's the sad part - she is 10 and was way more help than my mom. Mom and I both stood there like deer in headlights most of the time as we tried to get everything on the suggested list. I mean, really - I know nothing about the best kind of breast milk storage container or how to choose the right binky. My mother has not had a child in 25 years and as she constantly says "they didn't have all this when you were younger!" so we just stared at each wall of items repeating "I dunno, what do you think?" to each other. Now, Molly on the other hand, would say things like "well, do you think you might need _______?" and then when presented with an array of brands, sizes, etc. she would look at the labels and say "well, this one _________, while this one ________." How she is so logical and intelligent at this age blows my mind. Either way, I'm glad we got help - who cares if it was a 10 year old. After a little while though, we did get into the swing and it was super fun. Tiring, but fun. By the end of our excursion, my back was KILLING me! I felt totally pregnant as I waddled out of the store due to my aching back and hurting feet (I retardedly wore some cheap flat sandals from Old Navy that offered NO support whatsoever.)

We met my dad for dinner as we got into town and then walked over to TJ Maxx to look at baby stuff. Surprisingly, dad was sooo into it. It was adorable. He even told me earlier today that he had so much fun last night and to take him next time we go. Well, time for my nightly date with the hubby! Happy Monday!

Oh the Updates...

Wow, I know it hasn't been THAT long since I have blogged, but it feels like forever! Well let me begin by telling you about my near death experience the other day... (well, not really, but it was scary and I seriously thought I was dying). Alright, so it had been an ordinary morning. I woke up early for work, had a cinnamon roll (yum yum) and took my shower. Then, when I was putting on my make-up, I started feeling kinda light headed and dizzy. My arms felt really heavy too. Then, I started getting really nauseous. I was thinking "wow, thats weird. I haven't felt sick at all in the past three months.." Well, then I started feeling short of breath so I decided I should sit down for a minute, thinking it would go away. Oh no. I was barely able to hold my head up after sitting down. Everything stated getting dark around the edges and I started getting really hot and sweating. I was breathing, but felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen; like I had just run a marathon or something. Then, my whole upper body started pulsing (ya know like when you get really hot in a sauna or hot tub and you can almost feel your heart beating in your head). Anyway, at this point I was totally freaking out. My first thought was oh my God, the baby. I sat there for a good 5-10 minutes wondering what in the world to do. When I started noticing the symptoms going down a little I immediately went to get mom. I told her everything that had gone on and she said I needed to go lay down. She got the blood pressure cuff and took my blood pressure which was 96/53. Then, she gave me some OJ and said I should call the doctor when they open. Well after lying down for a while I started feeling ok, so I went on into work. On the way, I called the doctor and they said to come in that afternoon.

Soooo, I went into the doctor and told them all about my ordeal (of course I was thinking about the poll I mentioned earlier. The on going one about how many times that "crazy Martin lady" will call. Now they probably have a more broad one - how many times will the crazy Martin lady freak out about something...) I really hated to bother them again, but the whole thing really did freak me out. I have never experienced anything like that before. Well anyway, they drew some blood, took my BP and what not and I talked to the RN about everything. She said my blood pressure has been running pretty low so it could be that it just got too low. However, she said she thought it was my blood sugar. When they tested it while I was at the office it was 74 and the RN said they like it to be around 100. She said when it hits 60 they start getting really concerned. She talked to me about the types of foods I need to be eating and things I can do to control it. She said if anything else occurred to call, but that we can probably keep it under control with my diet.

Apparently I have a bit of a carb problem.... haha. Like I didn't know that. I'm sure I have mentioned that I could eat pasta and bread all day everyday and never grow tired of it. Anyway, I don't eat meat a great deal and apparently that helps to regulate your blood sugar levels. I have to get more protein and eat more snacks throughout the day to help. Let's hope that solves the situation. I don't really feel like another instance of seeing my life flash before my eyes in the middle of the bathroom.

In other news, today is Adam's birthday. Now, we all know how horrible it is that he is in Iraq, but deciding what to get someone in Iraq for their birthday is no picnic either. I mean, what do you buy for someone who wears the same thing everyday and pretty much can't own anything over there? I have already sent so many packages, I was out of ideas of things to send! So, I got the idea to make him a little slide show of pictures put to the song "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. (I'm not sure if you've ever listend to the lyrics but it was so perfect for us. Even talks about them being able to hear each other talking over the deep blue ocean.. so us.) Anyway, I started working on it a few weeks ago and had it almost done except for adding in the audio. I had wanted Adam to have it on his birthday, but I knew his parents were mailing his new hard drive to me so I decided to wait until I got the hard drive so I could put it on there. I knew he wouldn't get it on his birthday, it would be a few days late, but I thought it would be worth it and he wouldn't care. So anyway, today I go to put in the audio and my stupid computer either can't find the song or when it does it says its protected and won't import it! I messed with the stupid thing for like 5 hours today. I was ready to kill someone. You don't frustrate a pregnant woman. Someone will end up dead. Well, I tried to get over it but apparently it was too late. The whole ordeal had sent my hormones into a frenzy and I cried all day. I felt like the worst wife in the world. I had waited about sending stuff so I could put the slideshow on the hard drive, but now in addition to not having a package to open on his birthday, Adam didn't even have a gift! I mean it was horrible. I can't explain how terrible I felt. He called me later in the day and all I could do was sob hysterically and talk incoherently about being the worst wife in the world. Poor guy... he probably thought it was a good enough birthday present that he wasn't here to experience the psycho-ness that is pregnancy.

I eneded up just packing up all the other things I had together and taking them to the post office anyway. I explained the whole situation to Adam earlier and told him I would try to look and the slideshow and fix it later when I wasn't in crazy mode. I still feel sick that he is getting his piece of cake and birthday cards a week after his bday though. Oh well. I took a nice long walk with Abby as some therapy and I'm feeling a little better about the situation. I did get to talk to him again around dinner time and I think he felt better that I had kinda pulled myself together! haha.

Tomorrow should be a good day. Mom and I are driving to Huntsville to register at Babies-R-Us. I'm looking forward to going to a BIG place that is nothing but baby! (Yeah, down here in the big 'ole city of Florence we aint got nothin' like that... hahaha) I mean we've got a Target and stuff, but its not really anything compared to Babies-R-Us. I hate Adam can't go, but then again I'm not sure of any man that would be excited about doing that all day.

I suppose those are all the major updates for now! I'm not dying and I stopped crying. That's the whole gist of this post. haha. Man, I need to find some more interesting topics to discuss...Hope you all have a great weekend!

Claire Bear

Well, our little Claire bear is growing everyday! (Yes, we have already developed several nicknames for Maggie Claire... claire bear, maggie may, mags, and MC. If we keep shortening it she may just end up being called "mmmmm" haha. ) Anyway, here's the latest belly pic! (Going by my first doctor's visit, I am 22 weeks, however after my last few visits the doctor said I am more likely a week ahead of that... so technically I guess I am 23 weeks. I probably filled everyone in on this, but just in case...)


I also have to add a request... Adam's grandfather isn't doing well at all so PLEASE keep him in your prayers! Adam is having a really hard time dealing with it all since he is away, so let's all keep praying for him too! We can't tell you how much we appreciate all of your thoughts!

Family Ties

I must say, it has been a super wonderful weekend. I'm off work on Friday's so I was finally able to meet up with my cousin Lylie and her two girls, Lauren and Emily. (I know I have mentioned Emily before when I got to watch her for a few days. Anyway, Em is 3 and Lauren is 6) So all of us girls went to Ruby Tuesday Friday and it was so much fun (to let you truly try to experience the fun I had, I have to mention that ever since I have been pregnant I have craved nothing but salads. Ruby Tuesday is known for their salad bar. Put two and two together. I tore into some salad bar like I was a little kid at the world's largest candy store. It was magical.)

Now, since I am not a parent yet, I am going to have to brag a little on my cousins. Everyone usually thinks their kids are like the smartest little people they know, but my cousins really are. It blows my mind. I'm not sure if I already told this story after I watched Emily so just excuse this next paragraph if I did... So mom and I went to lunch with Emily at Applebee's. She was looking at two large carousel horses they had hanging inbetween the railings of the bar area and the restaurant area. Her mind going through the typical three year old reasoning said, "Jessica, can you ride those horses?". I told her no and that they were just there to look at. She followed with "Oh, so they are very delicate?". WHAT? What three year old is familiar with the term delicate? Needless to say her vocabulary surprises me everytime we are together. Now, onto Lauren. So after lunch Friday we went back to Lylie's house for the girls to do a little swimming. While we were inside, Lauren asked, "Jessica, how does the baby grow in your belly?" Wow. I tried to explain in simplest terms that the baby gets the food and water I drink through a tube and that's what keeps her strong and growing. Now, being six, her beverage of choise is juice. Next question - "So, the baby can have things like juice?". I said, "Yes, the baby can have almost all of the things I would usually eat or drink." Looking rather pensive she went on with her next statement. (Now, please remember this child is only 6...) "Oh, I see. So that means you can't have things like wine and beer, because the baby would get that and she can't have things like that..." To some of you there may be nothing extraordinary about this, but I was very impressed with her reasoning capabilities. I mentioned it to Lylie when we got outside and she too had no idea where Lauren gets this stuff. She said "Ya know, I don't ever recall having a conversation with Lauren about how babies can't have wine and beer so I don't really know how she came to that conclusion." Their little logic at this age just fascinates me. Anyway, I am going to play the proud parent and gloat over the intellect and vocabulary of my two little sweeties ;)

Saturday I got to spend some more time with family at my aunt and uncles house on the lake. Mom and I were over there pretty much all day helping to set up tables and get food prepared. While my family is very "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"-ish, I can't tell you how much I enjoy it when we all get together. I think I've grown to appreciate it a lot more since I have gotten older. I mean, yeah, it was fun when I was young - there was always someone to play with when you've got twenty something cousins running around. But now, I realize how lucky I am to have so many family members that live close and actually enjoy getting together on a regular basis. Some people rarely ever see their extended family and I feel so blessed that we find the time to all meet up and eat I told you it was very "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". When we get together there is food for days) at least once or twice a month.

Today I went to church and mom and I are just about to leave to meet up with my two aunts to go pick up my cousin who is flying in from California. She likes coming out to visit so she's gonna come stay for a week with the different people in the family. We've got another family get together this Wednesday so it will be a good opportunity for everyone to get a chance to visit with her.

As you can see, nothing too exciting, but a good weekend. Ironically the priest today at mass was talking about how we all needed to take more time to thank God for the special people and events in our lives so a special shout out to him for my great family! Yay God!

flickering light

So, ya know how when something is too good to be true, you feel like its just never going to happen? (hence the phrase "too good to be true" I suppose) Well, thats how I am feeling right now. I feel like Adam is never coming home. Not to mean that I feel something is going to happen and he won't make it home, just that his return seems forever away; like it will never come. The light at the end of the long tunnel is flickering...

I had been doing pretty well lately. Adam and I have been lucky enough to talk almost everyday- whether it be short conversations on the phone or actually seeing each other and talking on the internet. However, this morning I made a pretty big mistake that has gotten me upset. A girl I knew in high school posted pictures on facebook of her new husband returning home from his deployment. I knew it would be emotional, but I couldn't help myself - I had to take a peek. (Its like those scary movies where you know someone is about to get chopped into little pieces, but you still can't bring yourself to turn away.) I started going through the album and of course I lost it. Seeing she and her husband reunited was so beautiful.... and so sad at the same time. Here she is, now at the end of her long, tortuous wait. And here I am - just beginning mine. For some people a year might not seem like a long time. I mean when you look back, it never does. However, when each and every single day you long so badly to see and hold someone, a year seems like an eternity.

To add to my sullen mood today, I also had a very hard conversation with Adam the other night. Now, its one thing for me to be upset. Its quite another to see my husband cry. Adam's grandfather isn't doing so well (please keep him in your prayers!) and his mom sent him an email updating him on everything. Well, she entitled the email "poppa" and before even opening it, you can imagine what Adam thought had happened. Of course he got really upset (he did go one to read the email and found out he was still with us..) Well all of this had apparently happened right before I signed on to talk to him. When I signed on, I clicked to view his webcam (however, he didn't know this). His box popped up and I saw him crying. It absolutely broke my heart. He started talking about how he was missing so much while he was gone and how upset he was that he couldn't spend time with poppa during all this. It was horrible. I would gladly take any amount of pain if it meant Adam didn't have any. I can't stand knowing that he is hurting. He is my rock and seeing him break down made me lose it too. When I mentioned it to him he immediately said "what the crap, I didn't know you were viewing my webcam yet!" He then dried his eyes right up (trying to be strong for me I'm sure). Anyway, seeing that and knowing everything he is dealing with has made things even more difficult lately. Its not fair that he has to be in the horrible place trying to deal with family issues back at home. It also doesn't help when I tell him about Maggie Claire moving around and having him say "I wish I was there to feel her..." Not just because I want him here, but because I know HE wants to be here experiencing all of these amazing things with me.

While the day seemed to start off on a very bad note, I did have a good day at work. We were super busy and I was so thankful. I barely had time to think a single thought, let alone allow my mind to wander to Adam. This job has been a complete God-send. I don't know what I'd do if i didn't have something to keep me occupied... its also nice that I get to wear scrubs and sit down since little Claire bear and my belly are growing everyday! :)

I did get to talk to Adam when I got off work today and, as I have mentioned, that always makes me feel better. He seemed to be doing well (whether it was an act for me or he really was doing ok we will never know, but it made me happy either way.) His work schedule has changed recently so we wont get to skype as often, but at least he can call me for a few minutes on the days that I work.

Well blog readers, I'm sure this was not the best post to be reading if you are feeling even the least bit emotional... I appologize. The blog is my therapy and sometimes I just gotta vent! I appreciate the reads and hopefully my occassional down trodden moods won't scare you off for good! haha. With Adam gone there are good days and bad days - this just happens to be one of those bad ones. I just have to keep on keeping on and hope tomorrow will be better!