Just Call Me "Worry"

Alright, its no secret that I worry. I worry about anything and everyting as I am sure I have mentioned before. However, I am hoping that part of this is normal considering I am about to be a mom. The reality of this statement is really starting to hit home with only about 7 weeks until MC arrives. To put it mildly, I am terrified.

Everyone says that once the baby comes, you just know what to do. What if I don't? What if I was absent the day God passed out the "mother's intuition" gift? I can imagine him calling my name like on Ferris Bueller's Day Off or somthing... "Martin.... Martin.....Martin"

I suppose the thing that's gotten me the most worried lately is the fact that even if you do everything absolutely perfectly - there are no guarantees of your baby's safety. I have to share a really crazy story from this weekend...

So while I was at the visitation at Adam's grandparent's church, I looked over to the end of the pew and noticed a small, bronze plaque. It said "In loving memory of Maggie Claire Arecement". Whoa. Very weird that out of all the pews in the entire church, I had chosen the one that was dedicated to the memory of my future daughter's name (and let's face it, its not the most common name. I had never even heard anyone with that name before). Anyway, I thought it was odd but pushed it out of my mind and didn't give it another thought. Well, later when we were at Adam's grandmother's house after the funeral, I was speaking to one of Adam's relatives about our upcoming bundle of joy. She asked if we had a name picked out and I told her. She kind of looked at me for a second and said "Really? I think that name is beautiful... it was my daughter's name" What are the odds?? She went on to say "She died when she was a baby from SIDS." I asked her if that was her pew in the church and she said yes. Anyway, she went on to tell me how ecstatic she was about the name we had chosen and how it was really neat since we were family (however distant it may be).

The reason I had to tell this story is because it got me thinking (never a good idea) about how fragile life is and how you can do everything right and still never know what might be lurking around the corner. You can't prevent SIDS. You can't prevent your child being killed in a car accident like Abby on Biggest Loser. Life is so unpredictable and its completely terrifying. Its one thing to worry about your own existence, but its a whole other type of worry when its about someone so innocent that you have spent 9 months carrying.

I hope that when Maggie Claire comes I do know what to do. I hope that gene just takes over and clears my head of any self doubt I might have (I'm sure I will always question myself, but let's hope it dramatically decreases!) I guess its funny to think that I haven't even met her yet and I already feel like she's making me gray! Isn't that supposed to happen when she's a teenager?! I had heard that once you have a child, you never have a good nights' sleep again. That no matter how old your child is, you will always have the thought of them in the back of your mind. Maybe worry is normal. Maybe the extent of my worry isn't. Either way, its me. Just call me "worry".

Proud (and lucky) To Be A Martin

Well hopefully this post wont drag on forever... I feel like I have so much to talk about. As I mentioned in my last post, Adam's grandfather passed away. It was totally devastating - especially since I knew how badly Adam wanted to be here . I was determined to make it down to the coast for all of the services. This, however, was a little difficult to arrange given that I am currently living in Florence, AL and everything was taking place in Kiln, MS. Long drive + 30 weeks pregnant = way difficult. Anyway, having the amazing family that I do, we were able to work it all out so that I didn't have to drive. Thursday after I got off work mom met me to drive me to Starkville. There we met Adam's mom who drove me back to their house in Madison and the next morning she and I left for the coast.

Let me just say that I am truly the luckiest person in the world to have married into this family. I can't even begin to explain how phenomenal everyone is. They all greeted me with huge hugs and belly rubs and immediately began telling me how amazing I looked (I can't tell you how much this means to a pregnant woman who has just traveled 9 hours in a car over the past two days). I got to show them all pics from Maggie Claire's ultrasound and some of them got to see our wedding pics for the first time. After a few hours of visiting we all got ready for the visitation and I was just waiting for the storm to hit...

However, given the above description of Adam's (and now my) family, everything went so well. This family has the strongest faith and spirituality I have ever whitnessed and its this that gave them all such comfort. Pappa's death was mourned, yes, but everyone seemed so much more about celebrating his life. There were tears, but even more so there were stories, jokes, and lots of laughing. It was so uplifting. After the visitation we all went back to his grandmother's and listened/sang along with his uncle and two cousins as they played the bass, banjo, and guitar and sang some of Pappa's favorite songs. It was so beautiful. I really wish Adam could've been a part of it all. We didn't get to bed until about 1:00 in the morning because I don't think anyone really wanted it all to end.

The next day started early (we had to get up around 6 to get ready) but no one seemed to mind. I was worried the funeral would dissolve the celebratory air of the family, but of course it did not. The service was beautiful and while there were more tears, everyone stayed strong. His uncle and cousins sang and the priest gave a wonderful eulogy. After the service at the church and the gravesite, we all went back to his grandmother's for some amazing food and even more laughing and stories.

The whole weekend I didn't get any service on my cell so I wasn't able to talk to Adam at all. It was so amazing when I was in the back room and everyone started yelling that Adam was on the phone for me. He had called his grandmother's cell and so we got to talk for a few minutes. Of course given the long day and that we had just come from the funeral, I was slightly emotional to say the least. I ended up bawling on the phone with him which probably didn't help his emotions about it all. I couldn't help mysel f though. I miss him so badly it literally hurts. And to know that he couldn't be there for all of this was excrutiating. He, however, was doing much better than I was. He was so happy I was there and told me repeatedly what an amazing woman I was for making the trip (of course this sent me into crying hysterics even more). I finally calmed myself down and passed the phone around to his grandma, dad, and mom. When his dad was about to get off with him he had us all quiet down to yell out "thank you Adam" into the phone. This also led to more water works on my part...

After a short nap his mom, dad, and I headed back to Jackson. The next morning we got up early and eft to meet my mom in Starkville for the 'ol pregnant lady switch. Needless to say it was a VERY long weekend. Lots of hours in the car and lots of foot, ankle, and finger swelling. However, I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was amazing to experience the closeness of the whole weekend and to know that I am now a part of it forever. While I may not be blood, I feel as though his family has taken me in as one of their own, and I couldn't feel more honored. I look forward to a nice, long life as a Martin!

To the Coast...

Well, sadly Adam's grandfather passed away today. I pretty much lost it at work when Adam's mom called and told me. Adam and I are so lucky in how close we are with each other's family. I can't even explain how amazing these people are. I truly think of his family as my own and completely adore them. I spoke with Adam's grandmother and, while she is upset, she said it's really a time to celebrate his grandfather's life. I want to be like her when I grow up. She is incredible.

Anyway, I'm off to the coast tomorrow for the visitation and funeral. I hope Adam has some peace knowing I am going to be there. I must say though, he did take the news very well (or is a very good actor). I think he had already mentally prepared himself which is good. I know it kills him that he can't be here, but he's being so brave and strong.

Please keep everyone in your prayers!

Prayers Please!

Wow. I am completely exhausted. I've read you really start to lose a lot of your energy in the thrid trimester and boy are they right! I'm pooped! Its amazing how much running errands and cooking can take out of you when your body is supporting a whole other body too! It probably wouldn't be so bad if my back didn't hurt so much. I know I've complained about this to no end, but its really not fun. If it weren't for the whole back thing, I would feel incredible (just a little tired). Maybe the pain will subside when I get to rest on the couch watching Biggest Loser tonight (You all BETTER be tuning in!)

I was hoping to avoid any sad posts for a while, however you can't control life... Adam's grandfather is not doing well at all. They don't look for him to make it past the next few days or weeks. He has been battling cancer and recently his organs have just started shutting down. It absolutely kills me that Adam is not here - mostly because I have seen him bawling on the webcam. He keeps saying over and over that he didn't get to see him and tell him how much he loved him. He is also upset poppa won't be here to see Maggie... that is kinda what we were both pulling for. I am trying to do what I can to comfort him, although I feel completely helpless. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be ok, but all I can do at this point is type encouraging words... not exactly the same. Please keep poppa, Adam, and the rest of our family in your prayers!

MC's facial debut...

Well, aside from being a total drama queen already and having her arm and hand over her forehead almost the whole time, we got some pretty good shots of Mags. Everything looks good and we are still measuring a week ahead of schedule. Had the ultrasound done today and baby is measuring 29 weeks 3 days

Here are the latest belly pics. The red shirt is from last week (27 weeks) and the polka dot dress is from this week (28 weeks). Baby girl is just growing away!

Too Many Moons to Wait!

Ok, so is anyone else soooo excited about New Moon?? I mean, I can hardly stand the wait. When I first heard they were going to be making the second movie I never thought I would be able to contain myself, and now that the time is approaching and I am dying with anticipation. I was able to put my Twilight obsession to the wayside for quite a few months, but now that I have been trying to read New Moon again to get ready for the movie, it has resurfaced. I thought myself just your average fan, however I am scared it has become much more. I'm an official tenny bopper. Why you say? Well, I actually had an Edward dream the other night. Yes, I was dating Edward Cullen. Oh dear. I think thats the point where you know you have gone way over the edge and into the "tween" land of true Twilight obsession. Hopefully if Adam reads this he won't be too disappointed or jealous. I mean, the guy is a fictional vampire - surely he knows he has nothing to worry about. Perhaps its just that the whole premise of the book/film is utter romance and, with my husband being gone, I have become a little more absorbed in Bella and Edward's fantasy world since I am lacking my own.


Speaking of my sweet Adam, he is doing well. I did have a little scare the other night but it turned out to be nothing thank goodness. See we always get online and talk to each other on yahoo messenger. Right in the middle of our conversation the night before last he just signed off. I thought it was strange so I waited and waiting thinking there must have just been a problem with the connection and he would get back on.... well, he never did. Then the next day I got online at our usual time to talk to him and he never got on. I had messgenger up all night hoping he was just running late. By 10:00 I finally decided to go to bed (I don't really know why since I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep). Well about 10:30 I got a text message from him saying the power was out and he would talk to me tomorrow. Thank goodness. I've gotten a lot better with "freaking out" lately so while this incident did concern me, I didn't run to the bathroom and sob uncontrollably (yes, I did do this before when he first left and I didn't talk to him one day).


Maggie Claire is also doing well. I mentioned we have our big ultrasound Monday and I am still crazy excited. She's growing and growing and really starting to pack a quite a punch with her kicks and wiggles. I love seeing my stomach contort in all diretions when she moves. Lately her favorite has been to create a huge buldge to either side of my belly button. I'm not sure what body part it is causing this, but its so funny. I look like I've swallowed a baseball and part of it is being pushed against my tummy. I've been trying to catch it on camera to show Adam, but Mags is apparently very camera shy - she always goes back to normal as soon as I make a dash for it. Anyway, she is growing (well, at least my belly is) and doing well! I'm hoping for a good report and some great pictures Monday!!

Dad and Baby

Well, dad had his surgery yesterday and everything went well! I can't remember if I described what the problem was so I'll just do it again! haha. He had some fragmented discs which were putting pressure on his sciadic nerve so they went in and shaved them down. Hopefully he'll get some relief now. He should be released today or tomorrow!

Can't believe we will be 28 (well really 29) weeks tomorrow! We are scheduled for our 4-D ultrasound on Monday and I can't wait!!! It is going to be so neat to actually see little Maggie Claire's face (well, if she cooperates! she was a good girl for the last ultrasound so lets hope for the same!) I know she will look different from the image and everything, but its going to be surreal to actually be able put a face with all those kicks!! I'll post pics as soon as I get them, trust me! haha. I don't know if you have seen any of these 4-D ultrasounds, but you should scan google images and check them out - its pretty amazing. Some people have even posted the 4-D image next to a picture of the baby after he/she is born so you can see the two side by side and compare. Very cool.

Thanks for the well wishes for dad and happy Thursday!

Even More to Love on Tuesdays!

So my usual Tuesday entertainment consists of watching the reality show More to Love... it wasn't SUPER great, but it was something to watch. Anyway, last night was the finale and during the commercial I was flipping through the channels and the season premier of Biggest Loser was on!!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I love love love this show. I have watched every season and I am slightly obsessed (I am still upset I didn't know it was time for the new season to start.) Anyway, since I had watched every episode of More to Love, I had to see how it panned out so I ended up doing the commercial flipping thing. Ya know, where when a commercial comes on one channel you flip over to the other channel. It was stressful. haha. No, really though, it was hard because these two shows didn't do a good job of lining up their commercial breaks how I had wanted. I'd watch Luke take Malissa on a date to a nice dinner, then flip over to Biggest Loser and see them working out, then flip back to Luke and get confused thinking "wait, why are they eating, they need to be working out!" Both shows involve very fluffy people so it was difficult to stay on track with the correct plot.

Soooo, about Biggest Loser... if you do not watch this show you must try it out at least once. I really think you will be hooked. Its totally inspirational (and depressing at the same time). I mean, these are very large people (actually this season they have the biggest person they have ever had. Shay weighed in at 460-something pounds) and to see what they can do makes me feel pretty weak. It does motivate me to get out there and actually exercise though; which is great since Mr. exercise and I are barely acquainted.

Well, as most of you know, you don't grow that much fluff by just liking to eat. There are usually some pretty serious underlying issues motivating the over eating (yeah, I'm a Dr. Phil fan too....). Well this one contestant will really touch your heart. Poor rock hard Gillian even cried. Contestant Abby lost her husband and two young children in head on car crash. Wow. I don't even know if I could go on after something like that. Anyway, as you can imagine the crisis lead to over eating and now here she is on the show. I'm rooting for her. Well, all the contestans really. Check out all of their video profiles here

http://www.nbc.com/the-biggest-loser/video/

Anyway, I strongly advise you to tune in on Tuesdays! Get the tissue ready though because its usually emotional at some point! Happy Wednesday!

Time of My Life

Anyone else totally bummed about Patrick Swayze? How sad, right? What girl didn't dream about him lifting her during the big dance, or tracing her arms as she did pottery in an old button down shirt? I know I was young when those movies came out, but I ADORE them and never ceased to fantasize when I got older. I mean, the ending scene in Dirty Dancing where he sings the lines of the song to Baby"...and I owe it all to you" as he scrunches up his nose and bobs his head, still gives me chills. Here's to you Patrick hunky-man Swayze, for allowing all girls to have the time of their life (at least in our dreams!)

Getting Closer!

Well, here we are at 27 weeks (although as I have mentioned I am probably a week ahead of that and really 28). Anyway, the belly is growing fast and I am getting more and more uncomfortable! I know its only gonna get bigger so I am kind of dreading the next 10-12 weeks! However, it is so wonderful to know that we are in the home stretch now and soon we will have Margaret Claire Elizabeth Martin in our arms!!! (However, as I did post on my facebook status, she better stay put until after November 20th because I have GOT to see New Moon!!! haha)

Oh, Maggie Claire has also been pretty active today, so my mind has been put at ease! Guess she really did just have a lazy day yesterday!

I will be posting my usual "bare belly" photos soon. Mom had to drive to Huntsville after work again today to check on dad, so she hasn't really been here to take them. Dad update: Apparently they are going to try to fix whatever the problem is with a series of shots. They really don't want to do surgery, but, if the shots don't work thats the next step. Keeping my fingers crossed everything works out with the shots! Should know more about the official diagnosis once mom gets to Huntsville and talks to the doctors... I'll keep you posted!

Poor Daddy

Not Adam, my dad... he's had major back problems for as long as I can remember. However, Friday he started hurting REALLY bad. Saturday he wasn't even able to get out of the bed or move. While mom and I were at work, my aunt took him to the emergency room, but they couldn't do an MRI so they sent him home. Sunday it finally got so bad mom just took him to UAH. They left at like 6:00 last night, but mom had to drive back home once they got dad situated because she had to work today. (Poor mom didn't get home until 4:00 this morning and had to be at work at 7:30. Needless to say, I'm sure she's gonna have a long day!). Anyway, they admitted him last night and are supposed to get him all checked out today, so hopefully we'll get some answers by this afternoon.

In addition to my dad, I also spent most of yesterday worrying about Maggie Claire. See she usually hops around all throughout the day now. However, yesterday I only felt her kick two times. I was so scared. Everything I have ever read on the internet says to call your doctor if you notice decreased activity with your baby. When I talked to Adam last night he said she was probly just tired and taking the day off (yesterday was Sunday). I tried to laugh about it and not freak out, but we all know how I am and that didn't work.... then, low and behold, as I got into bed she decided it was dance party time. I was so excited. She kept me up for a while, but I didn't even care! She's been moving around this morning as well so I am assuming everything is fine. I guess she is just a fan of lazy Sundays like her mommy!

We Will Never Forget

Today holds a very special place in my heart, especially now that my husband is one of the many fighting to keep our country safe. Please remember all those who lost loved ones on this day 8 years ago, and continue to pray for the soldiers, police officers, firefighters, and all those who sacrifice so much for us! I am so proud of you Adam and I love you!!

Growing Girl

Here's the latest! Can't believe we are 26 weeks now! (Well, baby is 27...) We are still planning on inducing November 30 if all goes as planned! Only 12 weeks to go! Yippee!!

Car Rides and Cankles

So this weekend included a LOT of driving... result - cankles! I suppose sitting in the car so long messed with my circulation and I ended up with totally swollen ankles and fingers! I felt like a little stuffed sausage! Oh the joys of pregnancy!

Let me start the weekend recap by saying that Adam and I are probably the luckiest people in the world. We have truly been blessed through people we know. One of his professors and his wife recently decided to get rid of their baby things and apparently thought of us. He called me to see if I would be interested in it and of course I told him yes. I went on to ask what kinds of prices he wanted for various things and he said they absolutely would not take any money. Are you kidding me?? I ended up talking to his wife a moment later and she too said that they wouldn't take any money. The only catch is to give it to someone else who needs it when we finish. I know, right? Amazing, heaven-sent people. So Saturday mom and I drove to Starkville to pick up everything. This was probably the worst day out of the entire year we could've gone down there... it was GAME DAY! On top of that, Adam's professor and his wife live ON CAMPUS! Put two and two together... madness. Anyway, we finally got there and ended up with some wonderful things for Maggie Claire! Adam's mom had also driven up from Madison to meet us so we all got to have a nice lunch together! Wonderful day!

Yesterday mom and dad and I made another road trip - only this time it was to Nashville to visit Jeff. Any new comers to the blog might not have read my previous posts, so quick recap - Jeff is my long lost half brother that I recently met for the first time. (If you are interested in the whole Oprah story, you can go back to May and read "Days of Our Lives") Anyway, we met up with him and had lunch at a WONDERFUL place close to his new apt. If you are ever in Nashville you must try out Monells! Its so unique and the food is totally amazing.

After lunch dad was dying to go to the bass pro shop, so Jeff and I got to tag along as mom and dad tried on various ridiculous looking mesh hat things trying to get ready for hunting season. (I know, it still shocks me that mom has now decided to take part in this outdoorsy endeavor...) After that outing we headed back to Jeff's place and said goodbye and then started the drive back home. As soon as we got back, the sausage feet were immediately propped up as mom and I enjoyed cheesy rotel and Legally Blonde (My usual Sunday night programming, Drop Dead Diva, was a rerun. I must say I am still confused about that one. Could the season be over after only a few shows?)

So I must share about my newest purchase... as I have mentioned numerous times I'm sure, I haven't slept in weeks. I wake up every 45 minutes or so and can't go back to sleep. I am a stomach/back sleeper and since both of those are a no-no now, I truly can't get comfortable to save my life. I have recently taken to building a small nest of pillows around me in hopes of actually catching some Z's, but that has also worked to no avail. Well, I finally decided something must be done. However expensive and whatever kind of sham Boppy was running with these "maternity body pillows" I was now buying. I was desperate. I reluctantly spent over $50 for a crazy looking contraption of a pillow that showed a beautiful, peacefully sleeping pregnant woman on the packaging. (Damn those advertisers... they really know what they are doing. You could probably sell me a lead pillow at this point if it showed a happy pregnant woman on the front). So I got home with the mindset that I had totally waisted my money on a stupid pillow thing that would be no different from a regular body pillow at Wal-Mart. Well, I was WAAAAY wrong!! That thing is like a little slice of heaven! I know I haven't actually had a full nights sleep with it yet since I just bought it today, but I tried it out for a few minutes when I got home it was magical. I could actually see myself being comfortable for a few minutes. We'll see how it goes tonight! Keeping my fingers crossed to see more than 45 minutes pass on the clock before looking at it again!

John Who?

Let me tell you about my new favorite person. His name is John Braxton Hicks. You might not have ever heard of him, but he is actually the nice fellow who described the uternine contractions now lovingly referred to as "Braxton Hicks contractions". Now, I know its not fair to "shoot the messenger" as they say, but this just has to be blammed on someone. I don't even have a reasonable defense as to why I choose him, but really, think about it... who's left? If there was some scientist named PMS I would probably hate him too.

As you might have guessed, I have been blessed with this pregnancy symptom the last few weeks. At first I had no idea what they deal was, but in my birthing class the nurse talked about them more in depth and I was like "yup, thats it". Up until today I haven't really been bothered by them. I mean, yeah they were slightly annoying, but not painful. And I viewed them as just a natural occurance that let me know Maggie Claire was growing and doing well. Well, today that changed. I started getting PAINS while I was at work. I have to say that it kinda freaked me out. When you are pregnant, the last thing you want is a pain. Every twinge sends you (well, me anyway) into a whirlwind of thoughts about all the possible worst-case scenarios. Now being a generally pensive and creative person, you can imagine the thoughts racing through my head. Not good. So of course as soon as I got home, I googled. Apparently, most of the time these contractions are more uncomfortable than painful, but they can cause some discomfort in some women. Lucky me. I do have to say that I feel much better knowing that these CAN be painful and that these harmless contractions are probably the culprit. Usually googling medical information only makes me more paranoid, but in this case I think it has put my mind at ease a bit. I do have a doctor's appointment coming up in two weeks so I'm planning on just mentioning it in passing and getting a little verification... (no, I'm not calling them. I refuse to contribute to the running pole I have mentioned numerous times before)

In addition to my new accomplice on this pregnancy adventure, I also have to take some time to discuss my seeming inability to multi-task. I suppose I am one of those people who likes to focus on one thing. I can give it my undivided attention and make sure it is done with absolute and utter perfection. My job does not bode well with this type of OCD-ism. I am constantly juggling 10 things at one time and I get so flustered. I often wonder if people standing there watching want to laugh. I mean I like my job, but when it gets hectic of course the first thought racing through my mind is upsetting someone. When I have three people checking out, two checking in, two on the phone, and 5 new patient charts spread out in front of me waiting to be put together I worry about EVERYONE. Is the person waiting getting upset? Is the person on the phone getting upset? Are the hygienists getting upset? Its a never ending cycle. I know I am only one person, but I always expect to be SUPER one person. It is physically impossible to do all of those things at once, but I somehow expect myself to grow 8 more arms at get it all done. (On a side note, wouldn't that be cool though?... If you could regenerate arms the way octomom regenerates babies or something?) Anyway, with that being said, I still love my job, I just wish I was "Super Octo-Arm Woman" to do it some days.

So basically between my new bud John, my daily superhero transformations, and the ongoing lack of sleep, I am EXHAUSTED! However, I have to say that at the end of the day and I look down and see that belly, it is ALL worth it! I still smile when I see that growing mound where my flat stomach and belly button used to be. And when MC starts moving and I can see my stomach actually bouncing out like I am carrying a super size, bass blaring speaker instead of a baby, you can forget it. A huge grin spreads across my face and I remember what all this is for! So while I suppose I have put a negative vibe with this post, I am truly happy that I get to experience it! Contracting uterus and all!!! :)