So apparently the thought of a new child cues your brain to develop a very hyperactive imagination which, in turn, translates into some intense dreams. Well, nightmares really. Last night I don't think I slept more than 3 or 4 hours. Yes, that is nothing new, given the fact that I am now trying to sleep with a watermelon attached to my abdomen. No, I had trouble sleeping because of these new mommy nightmares. First one? I forgot about my baby! I forgot to feed her and change her. I think I just totally forgot I had a baby all together or something. It was HORRIBLE!!!! I did the initial feeding/changing and then went about my day. Later that night apparently I remembered I had a baby and went to check on her - not good. I obviously freaked out remembering that I hadn't done any of the necessary tasks to tend to her all day long.... I woke up from my nightmare with a racing heart and could barely calm myself enough to lay back down. What kind of mother am I going to be???? Then, after looking at the clock which now read 3:34, I must've dozed back off only to find myself greeted by another horrible nightmare. This one? There was something wrong with MC. Now, don't laugh, because it might sound ridiculous, but when in deep REM we all know the most ridiculous things can bring on a lot of fear. She had a super huge head and a tiny little body. You're probably thinking "um, Jessica, thats really what newborns look like..." No, I'm not talking about the regular newborn proportions here. I'm talking a regular baby size head on a body the size of an action figure. Totally warped and crazy, I know. However, it simply freaked me out and when I awoke I began imagining all of the horrible things that can go wrong (not the fact that I will have a Stewie baby or something, but more realistic fears. Ya know, that she will come too soon and her lungs won't be developed, or she'll have some rare disease, or... the list goes on and on)
I'm sure there is not an end in sight to these horrible dreams. I'm sure they'll only get worse as the time approaches. I just can't wait for the day she arrives and I can meticulously stand over her and count each little finger and toe and put my mind at ease for at least a moment!
2 comments:
Did you have pizza before you went to bed? I would get nightmares after eating pizza when I was pregnant....this too shall pass....
I'm going to tell you what I tell many of those around me, and even must remind myself of on occasion:
Do not worry until you truly have something to worry about.
Do not waste your energy worrying about something that may or may not ever occur in the future, you will spend your entire life in fear. Instead, be a realist. Recognize what can go wrong and prepare yourself, but don't worry over it until it is actually taking place. I don't worry that my kitchen will catch on fire every time that I cook, but I do recognize the possibility of such an event taking place, and I am prepared to handle it if it does occur.
Granted, kitchen fires and babies are worlds apart... unless, of course, your baby sets your kitchen on fire.
You are going to be a fantastic mother, Adam, a fantastic father. You have surrounded your growing family with people that love you and welcome your new addition. These are the people that will lift you up in times of need, and they are also the people that will pull you back to Earth, and reality, when your imagination gets the best of you.
Breathe easy. Rest well. And snap out of it!
Don't worry over something until the time has come to worry. Spend this time holding on to every memory of the moment, not fearing for moments that most likely will never be.
Love from Denver,
me
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