Life Will Never Be The Same

So after my last post I bet most of you are anxious to hear how things went today...

Today was the day I got to meet my older brother for the first time. Of course I was barely able to sleep last night because I was so excited. I have gone my whole life without a sibling and now, magically, I have one. I asked my bro and he is fine with me sharing all about him so here goes!!!

His name is Jeff (not Joe) and he is 32. He lives in Nashville and works as a graphic designer for Gibson guitars. (Side note: how ironic is this, he got his masters in landscape architecture... yes, that is Adam's major) So in addition to that, he is also an amazing multi media artist and shows and sells his work. You can check him out on Cumberland Gallery's website. (Yes, I am a super proud younger sister! This is one of his pieces.)

Well this whole ordeal happened because he was visiting a friend in Huntsville this weekend which is only an hour from Florence. When I found this out we immediately made plans to meet up for lunch and get to know each other. I was soooo nervous on the drive down!!! As some of you know, I tend to be shy when I first meet people so I was scared that I wouldn't have anything to say. Thankfully, Jeff really likes to talk! (If he's reading this I want to stress that I mean that in a nice way!! haha) We had an awesome time talking and talking and talking. Our poor waitress had to come to our table 5 times to ask if we were ready to order.

After lunch I showed him some pictures I had brought of the wedding and old pictures of my dad and me. He kinda got a quick glimpse of my life over the past 25 years. I don't know if he enjoyed it, but I had a great time telling him all about my life and sharing who everyone was. However bored he might have been, he was very gracious and acted excited. What a sweetheart!

I have to say that this has been the most amazing experience I have ever had. (Well, next to seeing mine and Adam's little bundle of joy move for the first time!) I just can't believe that I have an older brother. I am also happy to report that while not knowing each other for 25 years, we have some things in common which was totally cool. I'm sure we'll find out much more as we get to know each other! I am actually going to visit him in Nashville on Thursday and staying until Saturday morning. He's going to show me where he works, introduce me to friends, the whole bit. I'm so happy he wants to (as he says) show off his little sister. It pains me that we missed out on so much time together, but I can tell that we are going to be building a great relationship now! I am so incredibly happy right now. I wish to God Adam could be here to meet him though. He is having a hard time with it. He feels his job as a husband is to protect me so when he heard that some guy I facebooked is my long lost brother he got concerned. He also expressed his worry when I told him I was meeting this stranger an hour away by myself. I am really trying to understand where he is coming from but its so hard. I now have an incredible thing happening in my life and he can't even feel excited. He says that he's trying, but that its a lot tougher when he can't meet him. I'm trying to deal with being torn between these two men right now. I have my amazing brother who wants to build a relationship with me and my husband who is trying to protect me. Like I said, its hard, but I know Adam will come around once he meets Jeff. We all know how outgoing and friendly Adam is and I don't think he has an enemy in the world. He probably just needs that opportunity to feel included and safe about it all. We'll see what happens I guess.

For the time being I am on cloud nine. I adore Jeff and I can't wait to see what the future has in store!

As for baby, I'm still feeling nauseous everyday. I am 12 weeks now so maybe it will start to diminish soon!!! I'm having a great time recording things in my belly book and so glad I got to write to Baby Martin about his new uncle Jeff!

Days of Our Lives

So even if you aren't a soap junkie, you know the concept. People encounter bizarre events everyday that drastically alter their lives. This is my life... these past few months have been the craziest I have ever had. First getting married, then Adam being deployed, getting pregnant, moving home, and now the biggest one yet... let me explain.

Most of you know that I am an only child. Well, that's not entirely true. I found out when I was 16 that I had a half brother... I'll wait as those of you close to me compose yourselves. My dad was married before he married my mom and sadly the divorce was not pretty. My dad's wife wouldn't let him see "Joe" and it absolutely killed him (not sure how my new bro feels about having his life outed on my blog so we'll just call him Joe for now). So that brings us to my dad marrying my mom and fabulous me coming along. I always wanted a brother or sister but my parents never told me about Joe because they thought that telling a child she had a brother but couldn't see him would be too complicated and hurtful. They kept it a secret until I was 16.

I walked in on my mom writing some letters one night and I asked her what she was doing. She covered them all up and said "nothing". Well that was the worst thing she could've done and I began begging her to tell me what she was doing. She finally broke down and told me she was writing to try to find Joe and let out the whole story. I was beyond shocked. I mean you go your whole life thinking your perfect little family is one way, then out of no where you find out something completely different.

After she told me about Joe I immediately began asking how I could find him. She said that they had no idea where he was and that she was sending out some letters to prospective addresses. None of them ever panned out and being 16 I didn't know what else to do. I tried to let it go and move on.

However, just recently, I guess with getting married and the baby and all I started thinking about Joe again. I thought, ya know, everyone is on facebook. I mean, my dad is on facebook. Let's just see what happens when I search for Joe's name. I got over 500 matches back and I went through them all. I found three that looked promising assuming he was still in the southeast. I sent messages to the three of them explaining that I was looking for my brother and I asked if his fathers name was steven. I went to lunch with my cousins and when I got home I had a reply from one of the Joes. It said "yes". He followed by saying "I think we have a lot to talk about". I immediately wrote him a very long message and later that night he called me. We talked for almost 2 hours. He knew nothing about me the whole time he was growing up. Can you imagine his shock?! Surprise facebook friend, I am your long lost, never known about sister!

We had an amazing conversation about what we had been up to for the last 25 years of our lives. My entire family is thrilled that this worked out. I can't even begin to explain this feeling. I can't imagine how my dad must be feeling. He is just so excited to finally be able to explain his side and what happened to Joe.

The best part of all this? I am meeting him TOMORROW!!!! I was terrified that Joe wouldn't want anything to do with us after all this time, but he wants to meet me! He is going to be close by visiting a friend so I am going to drive to meet him for lunch. I am totally nervous. I am scared I won't know what to say. Well, whatever happens, I am so proud to now say that I have a brother (well, a blood one anyway. I totally think of Adam's brother Ryan as my brother too).

I just can't believe all of these things are happening at once. I feel like I am in an episode of Days of Our Lives. I can't wait to fill you all in on how things go tomorrow!!! Keep your fingers crossed!!!

That's In Me?!

Here is my 11 week belly picture. It will have to do since I can't scan the sonograms (read on...)

So today I whitnessed the most extrodinary thing I have ever seen in my life. Now, bear with me here because its not going to be nearly as cool reading about it as it was actually BEING there...

I had my doctor visit today and I knew they were going to do an ultrasound, but I had no idea of what I would soon see! The last time the did one I was a little over 7 weeks and it looked like a lima bean (see facebook for pics). This time, it was a BABY!!!! I was incredible!!!! He/she was wiggling all around and kicking! At first the baby had its little hands up by his ears, but then he started waving!!! (I know I refer to baby Martin as a him as I think most do when discussing a baby whose sex isn't known yet. We still don't know what we're having, but to save the time of typing he/she, Baby Martin will be referred to as he/him. Oh, by the way, I did have a dream last night that I went to the docotor and found out it was a girl... foreshadowing? We'll soon see!) So anyway, after greeting his new mommie and the ultrasound tech, he proceeded to stick his legs straight up in the air and kick and wiggle all around. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. To know that all that action is happening inside me and I can't even feel anything! Crazy! I absolutely can't wait to feel our little miracle!!!

So after the ultrasound and some tears (I got to hear the heartbeat for the first time and of course I cried because Adam wasn't there), I got to speak to the doctor. Everything looks good! I am supposed to be 12 weeks on Friday, but from the measurments today the baby looks 13 weeks. Big baby? Dunno....as most of you know, Adam and I are fairly small people. Wouldn't it be hilarious for us to make some huge 9 pound baby?! Wait, no, that wouldn't be funny at all... I just thought about the fact that that huge baby would have to come out of me. Scratch all of the above...

I tried to scan pictures of the sonogram, but the printer isn't cooperating since it is out of ink. Thats all it wants to tell me about. I don't care you don't have juice! I'm not trying to print anything! I just want you to take my image and put it on the computer... you can't do that without ink? Loser.

Well, of course I will continue to keep everyone posted on baby! We should be finding out the sex at my next visit! YAY!

Productivity

Well today I finally had a welcomed relief from all the unpacking and rearranging. I woke up late, bummed around watching TV, and then got ready to start the day . I had to call a few places and ask some questions about bills (sidenote: that is another thing that sucks about Adam being gone... dealing with all the financial stuff alone) and then I went by mom's office to ask if she needed anything when I went to Wal-Mart. As soon as I walked in the door everyone said hello and then immediately, almost in choral unison, "let's see that bump!" It was so cool to have people look at my stomach and get all excited. I know some women are all weird about people touching their stomachs and stuff, but I don't think that will be me. I say, the more rubs the merrier! I think of myself as the little Buddha (not the skinny Thai one, the fat Chinese one. Did you know that there are two?? Valuable trivia for you.) Well, not exactly yet, I still only have a little pooch; but looking ahead to the big buldge. I mean, let's face it, big bellies call to be rubbed! And speaking as someone who had NEVER felt a pregnant belly until a few days ago when I had dinner with Tassie and saw Lori, I know some people are in the same boat and are just curious. I mean there is a little miracle in there! Who doesn't want to be as close as possible to that?

So after my first experience with pregnancy fame I had to go to Wal-Mart to stock mom and dad's house with Jessica food. At this point, there are only a few foods that I really feel like eating so to avoid starvation, I had to stock up. For the first time in my entire life I bought chocolate ice cream. Has anyone ever had this stuff??!! Okay, I am just thinking about what I said and realize it is slightly insane. Don't judge, but I do not recall ever having REALLY eaten chocolate ice cream. It's a fantastic little gift from heaven! Had some after dinner tonight and felt mucho happy.

In addition to my newfound belly booster, I also purchased something today called "The Belly Book". I went to Books-A-Million to get some daddy books for Adam and saw it on the shelf (off topic slighty, but I have to share... Adam is one of the most sensitive and compasionate men I have ever met. Lately, when we have been talking, he just doesn't know what to say or how to react to my moods. He, somewhat worriedly, asked me recently if there was anything he could do. He said he just didn't understand what I was going through and he wanted to learn more. He asked if I could pick up some information for expectant dads so that he might be able to be more sympathetic to what I was going through and better ways to comfort me... I know, all of you girls are "awwwing" right now. If you're not, then you're just jealous...hahaha As for the boys, don't think he is gay. I mean if you are bashing him, I am willing to bet you are single. I'm right aren't I? Obviously sensitivity goes a long way.) ANYWAY, after that long tangent, my belly book. It is this keepsake in which you record everything about your pregnancy. It has places to write, post pictures, and answer questions. I thought, what a great thing for baby Martin to look back on one day. I remember asking my mom questions about her pregnancy and she could only remember the big stuff. This will allow me, and whoever else is interested, a glimpse into everything I experienced while pregnant. I was a happy camper leaving the bookstore; much accomplished.

After the bookstore I went on to Movie Gallery to find some entertainment for tonight. I ended up with Mall Cop, Bride Wars, and Taken. I watched Mall Cop earlier this evening and just finished Taken. Wow, Taken was super good. After watching that movie and constantly hearing all the other crazy stuff that occurs in our world, I don't know if I will ever be able to let our baby/child/teenager out of my sight! This risks never end! Its sad isn't it? That people have to be so scared all the time....

Well, docotor's appointment tomorrow! YAY for ultrasounds! From all that I have read and researched, Baby Martin should actually look like a baby now! I will be sure to post the sonogram to facebook once I get home. Let's hope all is well! More infor tomorrow! :)

All work, no play

I must begin by telling you about my weekend. Well, Saturday to be exact. Before i even start, please feel free to join me in contacting your congressman after you read this....and, just a warning, this will probably be a long one.

So I was supposed to go visit Adam at Camp Shelby on Sunday and spend the night. Well, he called about 5 times begging me to come Saturday instead. He said that they had the whole day free. Of course I wanted to see him, but this was the day that Adam's dad, my uncle, cousin, and mom were coming to get the rest of the stuff out of the apartment in Starkville. Being the sweet people they are, they said to go on ahead and see Adam and they would take care of the apartment. So Friday night after a movie with Ruth I went home and attempted to organize a few things so they would know what goes where. I got in the bed about 1 and woke up at 6:30 to get ready to drive to Hattiesburg. I was already stressed and super tired, but I got on the road about 9. This is where the drama begins.

If I haven't already mentioned it, I am slightly emotional right now. I called Adam to find out where to go and he said he didn't know what to tell me. I burst into tears. He thought I would've looked for directions online before I went... um, no, that didn't happen in my packing frenzie. So I type it into the GPS while I am on the phone with him. He is getting directions from someone at camp and I am trying to tell him what my GPS is telling me all why bawling my eyes out and trying to drive. It was a mess. I pulled over to get gas and he finally managed to calm me down. I started on my way and, I swear, not 10 minutes later I am singing along to my ipod perfectly fine. What the crap???

Anyway, so it rains the WHOLE way to Hattiesburg which is never fun. After the 3 hour 15 minute drive, I get to camp and I am so super excited to see Adam. I am sooo hungry at this point and feeling way nauseous. I pull up and here comes my boo boo carrying his gun walking up to the car (yeah, they have to carry their weapon everywhere... I didn't think to ask if this includes the bathroom. That would be interesting. If I were them I would so stick it under the stall next to me and make a loud noise. haha) So I'm here in the car with our lunches and can't wait to go sit and spend some time with him. He tells me that there isn't anywhere inside we can go. WHAT?? I just drove over three hours to see you and I can't even go in anywhere? He went on to explain that there are a few buildings I can go into but that they arent available right now. I guess occupied or something. So I was totally bummed, but figured we could just sit in the car and eat until something opened up. He then tells me he isnt allowed in the car!!!! Holy crap! Do they think I am going to kidnap him or something? I mean, the thought had crossed my mind, but really... that is slightly ridiculous. So I said "um what are we gonna do?" He looks over his shoulder to the covered open concrete pad that had two drink machines in it. Are you serious? He looked so upset and said he would go find us some chairs. This is where I start to get sooo pissed. Not at Adam- at the army. These men and women are giving up EVERYTHING to protect us and they can't even provide them with a place to go when family comes to visit???? Adam and I sat in our little hut in the pouring rain and ate our lunch. Then, he said there was a lake close by that had some covered pavillions. He said since he couldn't get in my car that he would go get a humvee so he wouldn't have to walk the mile or so there in the rain. He comes back a minute later and said they wouldn't let him get one... UGH!!!! He talked to someone on the phone and later got one (I slept in the car while he was gone for about 30 minutes checking one out). We finally get to the pavillion and the wind is blowing so hard you can't even sit under there without getting wet and freezing cold. He told me to go sit in the car and he would just stand outside and talk to me. As I sat in the driver seat and looked out the window at my husband standing in the rain I became furious. This is not fair. I watched as Adam cried and told me how sorry he was that I drove all the way down there for this. I became BEYOND furious. Then, I saw a family park at the pavillion and walk up. The dad was dressed in his gear, but without his jacket. Then I saw his little girl, maybe 3, waddling up covered in her daddy's jacket. Then his wife and son, maybe 5 followed. I semi-watched as they huddled under the pavillion, wife and husband hugging each other, kids trying their best to stay entertained in an empty and wet covering. I cried. I mean, yes, I am pregnant, but this would make even the toughest person lose it. There's no telling how far this family came to see their dad and now here they are, stuck in the rain with nowhere to go.

There has to be something that can be done. I mean, all they need is a BUILDING! There are thousands of stupid concrete buildings at this camp, what is one more? Why not something similar to a hotel for families that come visit. Then (since the guys can't leave base) they could stay the night with their families and enjoy them? Families shouldn't have to spend what could be, lets face it, their last time with their loved ones standing in the rain.

So after we both had a good cry, Adam gets a phone call. He got called in for some training that would last about 2 hours. I asked him what I should do and he said I could get a hotel. Well, previously he told me that he got us a room on base that we could both stay in so I didn't want to get a hotel for just a few hours. I told him I would just lay down in the back seat and wait. He was gone about 30 minutes and came back to tell me that they just scheduled some training that would last from 6 to 10:30. We talked and decided I should just drive back to Starkville. So, 3 hours after arriving I was on the road back to Starkville. I pulled up a few hours later and finished helping everyone move the apartment stuff. We left Starkville about 9 and then drove 3 hours back to Florence. Let's just say, it wasn't the best weekend.

Yesterday and today was spent rearranging and unpacking. I moved into my parents house so they could help out with the baby while Adam is gone. Its going to be super tough, but in the end it will be worth it to have family around to help me deal with missing Adam and being a first time mom. I am exhausted, but I think we finally got it all done. Mom and I have to drive to Starkville this weekend to take some more stuff to our storage unit, but after that I will be settled. Well, for a year at least... then, we get to do it ALL OVER AGAIN! Oh yipee...

Sorry this post was way emotional and dreary, maybe things will get better and I can have some happy writing! Oh, I do have my doctor visit on Wednesday so I'm sure I'll have some great things to write about! Happy Memorial Day to everyone and a special thanks to those selfless people who do so much for our country!!!

Summer Days

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Today was the last day of school!!!!! (Well, we have a work day tomorrow, but it was the last day with the students.) I want to get all excited, but I guess it just hasn't hit me yet. I feel like I am still going to be getting up at 4:15 and dealing with craziness. While I am SUPER excited about summer, I will miss my kids (some of them anyway hahaha). Like my little friend, we'll call him "Jon". I explained to my kids a few days ago that Mr. Adam would be gone for a year and I was sad. My friend Jon came up to me this morning and said "Mrs. Martin, is Mr. Adam back?" I said no of course. He looked confused and then said "It hasn't been a year yet?" I mean, how adorable is that? There have been so many hilarious things said in my room that I wish I had written them all down. I have to add that my same little friend asked if I was going to name the baby "Jon" (his name here).

I am getting a little concered about what I am going to do when i get back to Florence... I was supposed to do a day care thing but that might fall through. I HAVE to find something! Sitting at home alone would kill me. Maybe something will work out....

Well I am about to get ready to go to Old Venice with Tassie. YAY! Number one I get to see Tassie for the first time in forever, and number two i get MANICOTTI!!!! Oh my goodness, Old Venice has THE BEST manicotti EVER. Hopefully all the yummy cheese is pasturized. Till next time!

Rollercoaster of Love

Well, here it is... the newest belly photo! I am currently 10 weeks and am feeling all of the joyous side effects of pregnancy.

I started this blog to stay busy while Adam is in Iraq, but I think it is going to be a great way to document my pregnancy and being a first time mom. While I am not a complete newbie on the blogging scene, (some of you might remember my past ravings on "life in cheerio land") I have inevitably forgotten almost everything I taught myself. The point? Bear with me as I tinker with the format and "prettiness" haha.

So what is new in my life? Oh, so glad you asked! My husband Adam is currently doing his training to be deployed to Iraq in June. He has not even been gone a week and it is absolutely tortuous. During the day I have been able to keep myself busy, but evenings and nights alone in the apartment stink. I got my dog from my parent's house when I went home so that I could have some company, but that was a HUGE mistake. This is my night: put Abby on the bed, get in the bed, watch/listen/feel Abby jump off the bed, listen to Abby whine, put Abby on the bed, get in the bed, watch/listen/feel Abby jump off the bed, listen to Abby whine... you get the idea. WHAT THE CRAP??? Is the dog bipolar??? I can just think about what is going through her head as she does this to me "I want on the bed. Ew, no I don't. Wait, I know I want on the bed. Ew, no, still don't...Okay, i have thought about it and I know I totally want up there now. Ummm..on the other hand..." I have slept a total of 6 hours in the last two nights. Maybe God is preparing me for motherhood.

Speaking of motherhood, how does something so small make you feel SOOOO sick and tired? It blows my mind that our baby is now the size of a kumquat, yet has the ability to make me feel like I am dying. I still haven't gotten "sick" for lack of a more stomach friendly word, but at times I think it might be better than just feeling nauseous all day. In addition to feeling like everything I have ever eaten is wanting to rejoin the world, I am EXHAUSTED! I admit that even before I got pregnant I was tired after teaching all day, but now I am a vegetable when I get home. I'm ready for school to be out and have a few days to be a complete bum and do NOTHING. The last thing I have to comment on is the inspiration for my title. I feel like a complete mental case right now! I'm not talking usual PMS craziness... I'm talking straight jacket and silence of the lambs mask needed crazy. I feel kinda bad calling poor Abby bipolar now...I was on the phone with Adam yesterday and my poor husband had to listen to me be a complete booty head for no reason. I then preceeded to cry because I just felt like it. Whoa. Forget Iraq - I have a major hormone war going on that needs some serious peace talk. Maybe all that will get better... any past preggers know? Or am I just stuck in psycho-ville for the rest of eternity?

I suppose this boring post has gone on long enough. I'm gonna be all Kate-ish (from Jon and Kate plus 8) and steal the line that I didn't write this for anyone else (she was referring to her New York Times best selling books), I am writing it to deal with all of the rollercoaster of emotions I am experiencing at this point in my life. If someone happens to like hearing about morning sickness and missing loved ones then power to them! If not.. well, um.. read someone elses :)